


If we could just talk for a moment

by lovingmydreams



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alexander/confidence oc, Anxiety being soft boi, Comfort, Creativity sibling sweetness, Forgiveness, Fusion, If you just want Karot Kings stuff it starts from chapter 7, M/M, No explicit romantic pairings, Now with extra karrot Kings, Prinxiety - Freeform, Redemtion, Seriously this is a post SVS fic what do you expect?, This story is going longer than expected, angsty, logicality - Freeform, mention of manipulation, momciet, now includes events from FWSO and beyond, references to Remus being Remus, some remus/Janus, warning I should have been asleep when I wrote the first two chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24318874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovingmydreams/pseuds/lovingmydreams
Summary: The wedding left everyone a mess. Roman is devastated, Logan isn't about to even address what's happened, Patton doesn't know where to start with apologizing, Virgil doesn't even know why Thomas' stress went through the roof yet, Remus is just Remus, and Janus... Well... I suppose it's time for this snake to shed his skin and start anew. But that means Janus has to make himself vulnerable first. Is he ready for that?Now includes the lovable shenanigans of two karrot kings falling inlove starting at chapter 7.
Relationships: Nico Flores/Thomas Sanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 53





	1. Wrong door

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm not going to do anything explicitly romantic. If you want to read this as a shipper, feel free to do so. If you want to read this as someone who feels iffy thinking of any of the sides in a romantic relationship, this can just be read as guys being in healthy supportive friendships where they are allowed to be emotionally and physically vulnerable with one another when they need someone to listen to them and hold them until the world makes a little more sense. It's 2020 there's no wrong way to be a guy. I hope you enjoy this emotional mess of a story.

After Roman sunk out he appeared in a much darker environment than he expected.  
His room was always bright and colorful, packed with Disney memorabilia, red drapes and stage lighting.  
The gloomy atmosphere he was faced with now made his already fragile self-esteem crumble even more.  
Was this because Deceit... Janice, was right about him?  
Was he really not the hero? But Paton always said...  
‘The brave, handsome, unbeatable Roman,’  
But then again... ‘I don’t always know the answer,’  
He felt his chest tighten. It was harder to breathe. No. He... He isn’t bad. He only ever wanted to help Thomas. He was trying to do the right thing...  
But so was Patton. And De... Janice, of all people had been protecting Thomas from him when he lost it...  
“Ro? What happened?” Roman’s head snapped up. Virgil what...  
Then he realized where he was. The Tim Burton poster behind him, he cobwebs the dark atmosphere. This was Virgil’s room... He came here instead of his own... Why?  
“Is Thomas mad at me?” the younger side asked nervously. “I could tell he felt really stressed just now, I tried to leave him be after the whole wedding... I’m sorry, I know I panicked when Mary Lee and Lee came over, but...”  
Roman raised his hands to calm Virgil down.  
Today had been terrible for everyone. But their purple patched cautious guardian was probably the only one who would’ve had an equally horrible time no matter what they had done today. The callback would’ve been hell because so much was riding on it. The wedding was horrible because, well… mandatory social interaction, and Virgil had been particularly terrified of saying the wrong thing to their friends.  
What if they realize we aren’t having a good time? What if they think we look dumb in this suit? What if they realize it’s a rental and think we don’t care?  
Virgil took a few deep breaths and nodded. “I’m really sorry. I know how important today was to you, and I made us blow it,” he sighed.  
Roman shook his head. “No one is mad at you Virgil. That’s not what Patton and I were talking about... I wish you’d joined though,” he sighed, raking his hand through his hair. His nervous energy intensifying with every minute. But was that because of the room or because of his own thoughts? Probably both.  
“...Ro. Maybe we should head to your room instead?” Virgil offered gently.  
It wasn’t quite like him to sound so sincerely worried. They usually communicated their affection to one another through sarcasm and mild jabs.  
But ever since Remus made an appearance Virgil hadn’t been his usual self in general. He’d been more withdrawn, more careful with what he said. Not less active in his contributions, but Roman had seen his angsty friend less around the mindscape almost like when he wasn’t part of the group.  
As their friendship grew, they’d taken to having Disney nights in his room where they’d discuss the movies and Virgil even tolerated Roman singing along to the songs at full volume. But recently...  
He probably should have popped in here before now instead of ‘giving him space’.  
Was that even really what he’d been doing? Or was he just too much of a coward to face him and possibly have to own up for his past mistakes?  
He really was a terrible friend. So egotistical. Why couldn’t he ever consider other’s feelings?  
He’d tried today, really had tried not to hurt Patton’s feelings while discussing doing the right thing.  
Tried not to push. Tried to really listen to what he had to say so he wouldn’t make any more mistakes. He’d been ready to swallow his pride and take a step back when it seemed like Patton was too busy with not hurting his ego to really do his job . And it was still not enough  
The aching in his chest intensified. Right, not the place for these thoughts.  
Roman looked at Virgil gratefully and nodded.  
He could use some time with his newest friend. Virgil was good. Helpful. A team player from the start He’d never pretended to be his friend when he was not. And even when they hated each other -though hate was a strong word for the aversion he used to have for the embodiment of anxiety- Virgil had made performances better, more exciting, even inspired him to create. How things had changed since the Fanders first met him.  
“Alright, breathe with me, and let’s go,” he instructed.  
Roman focused on the other side’s breathing and before he knew it they were in his room. With the familiar lavish decor, the countless posters and trinkets... But it all looked a little... off. It was not ready for a guest, and he was always ready for guests. There were decorative couch cushions on the floor, some of the red velvet drapes were askew and the whole room felt just a little wrong to him.  
Imagine coming home and someone had entered and pushed nearly everything a touch to the left. Nearly imperceptible, but enough for you to know something is wrong.  
Great even his own room couldn’t give him comfort now.  
He let out a sigh, not his usual dramatic sigh, just a plain old tired sigh, and sat down on the couch with his head in his hands.  
“Ro? What happened?” Virgil asked confused. “I know something really got everyone upset. Even pops felt... Unusually distraught. I stayed in my room to not make it worse. But Thomas seems okay now. So why aren’t you... You know? Tatata,” Virgil finished with a week imitation of triumphant trumpets and Roman’s usual introduction pose.  
It made the embodiment of creativity smirk despite himself and then he sighed again.  
“Janice happened,” he muttered defeated, feeling completely spent.  
“Janice... You mean Janus? Deceit? He... He told you?” Virgil muttered confused.  
“Janus?” Roman mused. “That makes slightly more sense,” he allowed before leaning back and letting his head rest against the wall. Whatever, he still thought it was a weird name. Janus... He’s never going to get used to that. Maybe he should stop reading fan speculations on them though. Perhaps if he hadn’t been thinking of Deceit as Damien this whole time he wouldn’t have had such a strong reaction to Janus. Not that he wouldn’t have teased him. He absolutely would.  
He’d been upset at the serpentine side as it was. He’d been about ready to snap the whole time and the frog thing happened and D, Janus showed up and he didn’t know how to feel or what to think. So, yes he lashed out. He tried to get a little control over the situation because he couldn’t deal with one more thing tilting his worldview. And then... He felt the couch shift under an added weight. Right, Virgil is here with him.  
He glanced aside. Virgil was sitting on the armrest, looking at him expectantly. He normally would protest against Virgil putting his shoes on the couch, but right now he couldn’t care less. His friend needed a summary.  
“He... replaced Logan again and pushed Patton into being a frog monster. Accused Patton of deceiving Thomas, on accident, but still, and then he... Convinced Patton and Thomas to like him.” he summarized. Creating a monster to fight so he could be the hero. How absolutely despicable.  
“... Wait back up... Logan, is Logan alright?”  
“Physically or emotionally?” Roman asked dryly. Because apparently Thomas and Patton forgot that Janus hurt others. Hurt Thomas, hurt Patton, Virgil and Logan. And yes, Roman too felt hurt by the snake. Remus might be the only side not hurt by him and that was because Remus lacked the attention span to be upset at anything. He envied that sometimes. The ability to not care at all.  
Suddenly there was knocking on Roman’s door.  
“Roman? You in there sport? I brought hot cocoa?” It was Patton.  
Roman grabbed one of the fallen cushions, put it between his stomach and his legs, which he pulled towards his chest and curled up in a ball. He didn’t want to talk to him right now.  
After a moment of silence he heard Virgil get up, walk away, and then he heard the door open.  
“He’s taking a nap. Seems really out for the count. I was going to check up on Logan next, but could you do that? You know how emotional roller coasters like today take it out of me. Besides, I think Lo would much rather hear from you anyway. I’m going to nap in here. My room is a bit too much for me right now you know?”  
“Oh, of course Kiddo! You take it easy. I’m going to need to talk to you about something though...”  
“How you’ve left Janus of all people in charge of Thomas’s post-learning moment aftercare?  
Yeah, Roman gave me the headlines. I trust your judgment, Patton. But I don’t trust Jan. Not for a second. He’d never hurt Thomas on purpose, I know that. None of us would. Thomas isn’t self-destructive by nature. The problem is, I’m not sure if he’s ready to see that he can hurt him on accident.”  
It was quiet for a minute. “I think I know what that’s like... I’m really sorry kiddo. I know that I’ve been the cause of a lot of your pain too,” their paternal side offered softly.  
Silence. Roman imagined that Virgil was speechless by that declaration. That was Janus’s great power. He’d gotten Patton to think that he was the bad guy. Patton!  
“I remember when Thomas was still young and you just started to really manifest. Before... Before we pushed you away as a bad thing. You’d hang onto me and panic whenever I got nervous about Thomas doing a wrong thing, thinking a bad thought... I did that to you. Because I was too strict and I was teaching you to think in black and white too. And when we pushed you away... Of course you thought you had to be the bad guy to do your job. I taught you that. And I hate it. I wish I could go back. Go back and hug little you and me and say that it’s okay. But I can’t.  
I just hope that you’ll believe me when I say... I’m really sorry and I’ll try to be better.”  
A few more moments of silence.  
“Pops... you aren’t entirely to blame for me believing I was bad. Janus, has just as much to do with that, if not more.”  
Roman forced himself to stay where he was. He knew it! He knew there was a reason Virgil reacted to the others like that. He should’ve listened to him. Asked about his history before. The whole callback situation wouldn’t have been such a stressful episode if he had just heard Virgil out.  
“What do you mean kiddo?”  
“The thing about him is, he deals in extremes. Today you might have seen him in a sincere and nurturing mood, but we have all seen how deceitful and destructive and manipulative he can be,” Virgil explained gently. Mindful of a sleeping friend who wasn’t really asleep. “You saw what that behavior did to Roman, even if he didn’t mean to hurt him.” Roman felt a jolt of warmth at the protective edge that coated Virgil’s voice at that statement. Oh, how had he been so wrong about him? All this time he could’ve had a valiant knight at his side.  
“One moment he looks at you and sees a friend a brother... A son.”  
That nearly made Roman jump up again. Janus had hurt Virgil, that was the only explanation for the way his voice softened at that last title. He’d slay the demon. They’d already established that nothing they did could do physical damage to the others as long as they didn’t let it have power over them. Janus, who’d been wrangling Remus for years, would surely not blink an eye at being run through, or beheaded. So it wouldn’t be that bad if he and Virgil got a few therapeutic stabs in for their benefit... but for now he forced himself to remain silent. He’d talk to Virgil about the best way to avenge him later. After Patton left them alone.  
“The next, you are a pawn to be manipulated in any way that suits what he thinks to be the greater good in that moment. And when he speaks you never know for certain if it’s a painful truth you need to hear to become better, stronger, or a hurtful lie to make you suit his needs.”  
‘I don’t need to flatter you’... ‘Who is the evil twin’  
Virgil took in a long breath and let it out with a sigh. “It’s a long story, and you should really go get Logan hot cocoa just the way he likes it. He deserves some patented Patton love as well.”  
“Alright kiddo. Thanks for being honest with me. I hope you’ll tell us all the story later so we can understand. But take your time. And thank you for trying to spare my feelings by not telling me that Roman isn’t ready for a talk yet.” Well, there went that illusion. “You two rest up. Take care of him for me, and tell him... Tell him I’m sorry I let him down.” Again Roman nearly went for the door. But he wasn’t ready. With the way he was feeling now, he’d lash out again and he didn’t know for sure who would have to face the brunt of his emotional outbursts.  
“I’m sure he’d say that you did nothing of the sort. Don’t let Janus get into your head too much. Ugly truths and painful lies Patton. Don’t fall for the latter just because he gave you a little of the former,” Virgil warned.  
“I’ll keep that in mind. Good night then. Thomas should be taking a day or two to relax and take care of himself so you should get plenty of time to recover,” Patton assured Virgil. “Night, see you in a minute when something goes wrong anyway.”  
Roman could hear Patton chuckle before the door closed. He expected Virgil to come back to sit where he sat before right away, but he heard him moving around the room and then the kitchen... What was going on? Suddenly he felt a blanket being draped over him, pillows being put all around and Virgil’s warm body joining his under the blanket.  
“You tell anyone about this, I’ll deny it until the end times. But pillows and blankets help me feel safer sometimes. And you know, Logan told me once that physical contact with a friend can be calming or whatever I didn’t really listen to the whole thing, you know how he kind of goes on. But I wrote down the gist of his tips. And then there is the always reliable, comfort food,” he announced as he gave Roman a fresh cup of hot cocoa with little marshmallows and rainbow sprinkles and whipped cream. What had Roman nearly tear up was that it was in his mug. One with a little Stitch figure that said “Ohana Means Family”. Not one of Patton’s pet-themed mugs. His own. Virgil had made him this from scratch. Exactly the way he’d like it when he’s feeling down. He heard a clank and saw that Virgil had also put down a can of rainbow mini muffins. He kept those around to have as a treat on good and bad days. They had a delicious molten chocolate filling. When had Virgil even see him take one?  
It didn’t matter. This was everything he needed to get through the story he would have to tell, and the one he had to hear.  
“So, spill,” Virgil instructed as he laid a hand on his back in support.  
With a deep breath Roman told him everything as he’d experienced it from the moment he’d gotten home until the moment he’d popped up in Virgil’s room.  
By the end he was sobbing. The mug of hot cocoa was halfway but stood on the coffee table as he was busy ruining Virgil’s hoodie with his tears. Damn all of this. He was too tired to hang on to his pride.  
Virgil didn’t make fun of him though he let him cry and listened to his exclamations of: “I just don’t understand what I did wrong? Why... Why am I the bad guy in this? Didn’t I do the right thing? Going to the wedding? I just... I just wanted to do the right thing. Thomas counted on me to give him hope. To rise above the challenge and defy that serpent’s scheme despite the odds. But other than a brief feeling of victory... I’ve never felt worse. I mean, Remus got the better of me for the first time in ages. It’s not right! Why do I feel like I’m being punished for doing what we knew was right, while Janus is being celebrated? Janus was wrong... Wasn’t he?”  
He’s glad Virgil is the only witness to this breakdown. If Patton saw this, he would blame himself. And Logan might try to help but have not much helpfull to offer, other than an objective analysis or an experiment that might nudge Roman in the right direction, but he was in no mood to dissect any complicated explanations. Remus would make him feel worse, same goes for Janus, even if he were to try and be helpful it would only confuse Roman even more. And then there was... Well, he never was much help when it comes to solving problems. There was a reason why he hadn’t joined them in the physical world for any of their discussions.  
And Thomas... God he’d never regain Thomas’s respect if he’d see him like this.  
“You did good Ro. But we all knew that we felt conflicted about it when we left the door. We’re all on edge and from the sound of it, you weren’t at fault in the escalation of the conflict.  
Patton is the one who wasn’t honest with himself out of fear to disappoint Thomas.  
And Janus was the one to push him to the edge. And it was Janus who’d hurt you in the past and didn’t bother to apologize or acknowledge it had even happened. Of course you were on edge around him. But that’s just how he is,” Vigil sighed as he rubbed Roman’s back soothingly. That reminded Roman... He sat up and wiped his eyes.  
“What happened? You said that Janus was a big part of the reason you thought you were bad or something?” Roman asked picking up his mug to give himself something to focus on other than the soul-bearing moment they’d shared. Virgil sighed and looked up to the swirling lines that decorated his ceiling.  
“Right. Remember the last time I had one of my fits before I started hanging with the others?”  
Roman nodded. He didn’t like thinking back to that time.  
He and Remus hadn’t been separated for that long yet and there were times when he still felt wrong without him. And in those moments he blamed Virgil, then still just fear.  
He remembered little of being ‘The King’, didn’t even really recall their old name, but one of the things he did remember was the split. He was thinking of something he thought was funny, something with a word mom would scold them for, but that made it even funnier. Patton had scolded him and something about the reprimand had triggered Fear. Ironically, seeing Fear in distress like that had triggered a protective instinct in the king and he’d been so eager to comfort the boy. He’d been torn. Part of him wanted to defy Patton and tell Fear that Thomas wouldn’t get in trouble for a small thing like that. The other wanted to promise to never think of anything upsetting ever again so the little timid boy could relax a little and play with them.  
Next thing he knew one part was promising these things while hugging Virgil and another was giggling and running around shouting all kinds of strange and bad things and letting his train of thought jump from one topic to another as random things kept catching his attention.  
Virgil had always been the inspiration for the noble prince. For his first act had been to protect the confused boy from the source of his troubles. He’d called for his princely attire to resemble the prince in Cinderella and swung his sword, then still a harmless toy sword, and Remus had actually enjoyed playing a ferocious dragon. And Virgil had laughed at their game and relaxed. Roman and Remus never questioned their existence... But Patton and Logan had been surprised and Patton had soon come to understand that all the things he would scold the king for were stuck in the green twin, while all the nice thoughts were with the red one, who introduced himself as Roman to them.  
Roman received praise and watched his brother get scolded and eventually ‘the snake man’ had come to pick is brother up from their room. Roman had pleaded not to of course, as any decent brother would. But then the snake man said something that terrified him.  
Thomas didn’t want his brother’s thoughts in his head. So the snake man took his brother somewhere where Thomas could pretend he didn’t exist. And he’d forced Roman to stand still and let Thomas forget about the other creativity. He couldn’t even mention him again. Not when Thomas might hear at least. That had scared Roman. When he told Patton about where his brother was taken he’d been assured that something like that would never happen to him. Thomas loved being creative. Roman was the hero. He got to be at the wheel almost all the time. He was the Prince after all...  
It had been comforting and terrifying at the same time. What if he messed up? Would Thomas stop loving him? It was then that the feeling of wrongness started showing up. And that scared him even more. He couldn’t miss being with Remus. Remus was bad, Roman was good. And good people didn’t want to be around bad people. Bad people were put away and forgotten about.  
It was while he was in one of these moments of self-doubt that Fear panicked at something he considered irrelevant. It had gotten to Roman and he’d blown up at Fear for freaking out over a stupid stain. This had triggered Virgil even more and Thomas had jumped back and knocked over one of the nice glasses from the counter somehow. His mother had been angry, but in that worried way only parents can really pull off. This however had gotten Patton and Logan’s attention. Logan had scolded Fear because his disproportionate reaction to a small problem created a bigger one. Patton had scolded him because Thomas was in trouble now and it was their task to keep him out of trouble.  
Roman had wanted to tell the others that Fear had reacted to him shouting, not the stain, but the others were already telling Fear that if he didn’t watch out, he would be pushed away and then what would happen to Thomas?  
This had caused Fear to run away and next time Roman saw him, he was ‘a bad guy’.  
“I never really said I was sorry. I swear I wanted to explain to the others why you freaked, I did, but next time we saw you...” He didn’t know where to look. He felt so ashamed of his actions.  
Virgil patted his back. “It’s alright Sir Singalot,” he grinned, using the nickname that Roman had approved off as a sign of peace.  
“You guys didn’t push me away. That’s just how you see it now through a veil of guilt. I never intended to leave. I needed to get away for a minute,” Virgil explained casually, but then his voice grew tense as his eyes darkened at the memory.  
“And he was right there,” he whispered and Roman could imagine the figure swooping in. Offering an insecure and neglected side a comforting embrace.  
“He was telling me both the things I feared to be true and things I wanted to hear someone say.”  
He could imagine that too. The smooth voice spinning truths and lies in a delicate trap to lure young Fear to his side of the consciousness.  
“He told me that you guys would never really want me around. But he also said that that was stupid of you because I keep Thomas safe. That you needed me more than you realize. And if you weren’t going to listen to simple reason, then I’d have to be loud so I couldn’t be ignored.” Virgil looked back towards Roman for with a sad, understanding smile.  
“He might have believed he was helping me. That he was saving me many more of these arguments. He’ll probably swear up and down that he was looking out for me and Thomas and even all of you.”  
Roman got the idea that Virgil was trying to say something about Janus’ intentions towards him as well. But he couldn’t find the will to believe that the man hadn’t been malicious towards him or even any of the others when he did the things he did. Good intentions or not –like with the cake the end result was still the same. Virgil seemed to agree because his face darkened again as he continued his story.   
“But when he found me after you guys accepted me, he started saying those things again and I said he was wrong and that we’d all been going about it the wrong way. I wanted us all to step into the sun...”  
“Dear Evan Hansen,” Roman grinned teasingly to lighten the mood. He got a playful shove and a smirk. He’d take the victory. It kind of made him feel better. To know that he could still be a good friend despite the disaster of today.  
“He slipped,” Virgil continued. “Or maybe he thought I’d feel bad for him and stay... I don’t know. He broke my trust and I’ll never be able to be sure if he’s truthful with me... But that day, he said he wouldn’t let you guys take me away from him.” Roman’s eyes widened as the implications of that sunk in. He wasn’t sure if he felt sorry for the man or wanted to punch him even more.  
“I realized in that moment that he had manipulated the truth to ensure that I wouldn’t get along with you guys. He was lonely and he didn’t want to share. So he took of the blindfold and broke the piñata open to get the friend he wanted. And for years, that worked. But then, because Thomas accepted that he has anxiety, I got a real seat at the table, even if no one liked me being there. And then we worked together in the open more often and well... You know what happened. He hated that I spent time with you guys. He hated that I had nice things to say about Patton, that I kind of appreciated the debate with Logan... That I admired your... drive.”  
“Wait what?” Roman shot up in surprise, nearly losing the cover of the blanket in the process. He hadn’t expected a sincere compliment. He’d been ready for a little jab like ‘tolerated your presence’ or something. Not admiration...  
“Don’t make me regret this... I always kind of looked up to you. Because you were never afraid to go for what you want. I don’t envy that ability. But I think it’s cool that you can.”  
Roman was speechless. It succeeded in making him feel a bit better, but it also left him in awe of his friend. This is why he appreciated Virgil so much. He was sincere. Always. He didn’t sugarcoat anything he said what he thought the way he thought it. He might have learned to voice his concerns more clearly and less like death threats, but he still said what was on his mind. So a compliment like this form him? Well, that was the highest praise he could imagine.  
“Anyway...” Virgil continued with a blush, avoiding Roman’s gaze. “Feeding your ego aside.” He took a deep breath which brought Roman back to the here and now. Right serious talk time.  
“The fight got ugly. I accused him of lying to me all this time for selfish reasons. He denied the reasons I gave, but not the fact that he lied. I got so mad. I told him to stay away from us. That I never wanted to see his face again. And I’ve been pissed ever since. I didn’t want you guys anywhere near him, because I can’t be sure that he won’t hurt you the way he hurt me, whether he wants to or not. And I was right. He hurt you, he hurt Patton and Logan and even Thomas. It all led to a big lesson about self-care and everything. But I agree, we can’t let our guard down around him. Ever.”  
Roman hugs Virgil close. “Want me to stab him for you? Because I would totally stab him for you,” he promises.  
Virgil allows a small chuckle and returns the hug. “I’ll think about it.”  
Just then their surroundings changed and they were sitting on the bed in the bedroom.  
“Thomas must be getting ready for the night,” Roman observed, some rest would be great. Dreams took care of themselves. He could choose to influence them but tonight he couldn’t be bothered. Remus might give them some weird twists but who cared? At this rate, they’d also let him have a seat at the table one of these days so he might as well start getting used to having him around again. But if Remus was accepted back, would that make them be ‘the king’ again?  
No. Not thinking about that tonight.  
He felt Virgil get up next to him. “I’ll get going then...”  
“No,” Roman hurried as he pulled Virgil back into his side. This got him a surprised look, but he didn’t care.  
“Neither of us should really be alone right now don’t you think? And I don’t think you were exactly lying when you said your room was too intense for you right now,”  
Virgil shrugged. “No... But...”  
Just then they both manifested their sleepwear. A comfy shirt and sweats in their respective colors.  
“Thomas is going to sleep. We should too... And I really don’t want to be alone with my thoughts right now,” he confessed. This seemed to convince Virgil. It wasn’t like it would be the first time. Well it was the first time they’d both sleep in his bed and in their pj’s. But it had happened that one of them dozed off on the other one's shoulder during a movie a few times. No big deal.  
So along with Thomas they settled in for the night.  
Virgil felt that Roman was still tense and it was affecting Thomas’s ability to fall asleep. At least, Virgil told himself that this was the reason why he turned towards him wrapped his arms around his fellow side, and started singing, his voice drifting through the dark room. “There are shouters and murmurers, loan sharks and burglars...” by the end of the song both had relaxed and drifted off to sleep.


	2. As adults

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton often hides behind a mask of childlike innocence and positivity. But now it's time to have a couple of serious conversations with his fellow sides as adults. At least... As soon as they're ready for him.

When Patton arrived back in his room in the mindscape he took in a deep, calming breath.  
Today had been a hard day. And he had a lot of apologizing to do.  
Janus had helped him look at his life in a new light, one he didn’t want to acknowledge until now.  
First stop: Roman.  
Patton went to work on a good cup of cocoa to bring along as a sign of goodwill.  
Roman had been trying so hard lately. Trying to support Patton in his decisions, trying to share center stage more with the others, trying to be more open about his feelings. And when Roman needed him in his corner, Patton had managed to make him feel betrayed. It hadn’t been intentional, even Janus had been surprised at that turn of events.  
Patton clenched his teeth as he thought back to Roman’s face when he left. He’d failed him. Roman had clearly been hurting for a while and Patton had been too busy with his own issues to pay attention. Self-care meant nurturing every aspect of yourself. This included the parts you thought were fine.  
With a cute kitten cup of cocoa that said ‘you are meauwvelous’ in hand he walked over to Roman’s door.  
Cheer Roman up, rebuild his confidence, and get him to give Janus another chance. He could do that. Piece of cake.  
He gently knocked on the door and cleared his throat. “Roman? You in there sport? I brought hot cocoa,” he informed him gently. It was quiet for a bit and right when Patton thought he should knock again he heard movement on the other side. The door opened to reveal... Virgil?  
Patton hadn’t really seen him since he left for his room when they left the reception. He hadn’t expected to see him quite so soon. At the same time, he was surprised the younger side hadn’t appeared as soon as Deceit showed himself.  
Patton noticed the headphones hanging around Virgil’s neck. Had he been drowning out the discussion on purpose to spare Thomas?  
Before Patton’s thoughts can stray any further, Virgil speaks. “He’s taking a nap. Seems really out for the count. I was going to check up on Logan next, but could you do that? You know how emotional roller coasters like today take it out of me. Besides, I think Lo would much rather hear from you anyway. I’m going to nap in here. My room is a bit too much for me right now you know?”  
Virgil spoke just a little too quick, something Patton probably wouldn’t have caught on to if not for everything that had happened today making him stand on high alert.  
Virgil was trying to get him to leave. Though Patton didn’t think he was insincere in his concern for Logan, the worry in the protective side was clear and genuine.  
Logan... God’s he’d have to talk to him as well. He knew this as soon as Logan left of course. But Patton had tried to view the rest of the day as one task at a time. He was almost relieved to find that both Roman and Virgil were giving him a pass to postpone his full apologies to them by a day.  
So he chose to go along with the lie for now in favor of keeping Virgil in the loop. He didn’t want the anxious young man to feel blindsided by Janus’s presence tomorrow.  
“Oh, of course, Kiddo! You take it easy. I’m going to need to talk to you about something though...”  
How to say this without making Virgil switch to fight or flight? “How you’ve left Janus of all people in charge of Thomas’s post-learning moment aftercare? Yeah, Roman gave me the headlines.”  
Patton’s eyes widened. Right, Roman was there. While Patton was making cocoa, Virgil had already been taking care of their friend. And if the look on his face was anything to go by he didn’t like the decision. Virgil sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, most likely to calm down his own anxiety. When he looked back at him, his eyes were determined but also trusting.  
“I trust your judgment, Patton. But I don’ trust Jan. Not for a second.” He stated it so plainly, Patton wanted to say something on the yellow side’s behalf but Virgil raised his hand to stop him.  
“He’d never hurt Thomas on purpose, I know that none of us would. Thomas isn’t self-destructive by nature. The problem is, I’m not sure if he’s ready to see that he can hurt him on accident.”  
It was quiet for a minute. Virgil had no clue how close to home that statement hit.  
Would Patton lose Virgil’s trust once he learned that he too was capable of hurting Thomas?  
“I think I know what that’s like...” Patton admitted. Then he took a deep breath. Time to be brave.  
If Virgil was to realize how much damage Patton had done with his good intentions then Patton would rather have it be because of him. and not because of anyone else. And if that meant Patton would be someone Virgil now would see as a potential danger to Thomas’s health and happiness then so be it. Virgil deserved an apology as well. Even if it hurt to say it.  
“I’m really sorry kiddo. I know that I’ve been the cause of a lot of your pain too,” Virgil blinked in confusion as Patton bit his lip and searched for the words to explain. How could he cause his dark son so much pain? “I remember when Thomas was still young and you just started to really manifest. Before... Before we pushed you away as a bad thing. You’d hang onto me and panic whenever I got nervous about Thomas doing a wrong thing, thinking a bad thought...” The memory was so bittersweet. The sparkle in Virgil’s eyes at the magnificent creations of the King and later his shy laugh at the antics of the twins. The way he’d listen with rapt attention when Logan explained what caused the loud noise or the creepy shadow making it a little less scary still. The way he nodded along at Patton’s words of comfort and love and his quiet giggles at his silly jokes.  
But even if Virgil sought comfort and steadiness with Patton back then, it had been him who caused many of his episodes and creativity who had soothed him more than any of them could.  
If no amount of rationalizing from Logan or encouragements from Patton could convince Virgil that there was no monster in the closet, then the King or Roman and Remus could convince him that there was nothing to be afraid of. Because they were brave warriors and Virgil was their knight. And together they were stronger than any monster could hope to be. The scary thing became an exciting adventure Thomas could smile about as he fell asleep... And Patton had ruined that perfect picture. Shattered it with his own narrow mindedness.  
“I did that to you. Because I was too strict and I was teaching you to think in black and white too. And when we pushed you away... Of course, you thought you had to be the bad guy to do your job. I taught you that. And I hate it. I wish I could go back. Go back and hug little you and me and say that it’s okay. But I can’t. I just hope that you’ll believe me when I say... I’m really sorry and I’ll try to be better.” Please forgive me, please don’t push me away. I want to be the person you thought I was back then. I want to deserve the way you used to look at me.  
A few more moments of silence hung between them and just when Patton was about to despair, Virgil spoke carefully. Choosing each word as if everything depended on it.  
“Pops... you aren’t entirely to blame for me believing I was bad. Janus has just as much to do with that, if not more.” Patton felt something twist inside. Another question he’d failed to ask that he really should have before today. “What do you mean kiddo?”  
Virgil shifted his weight nervously before shoving his hands deep in his pockets and looking down at his shoes as he recalled times before he was welcomed at the table.  
“The thing about him is, he deals in extremes. Today you might have seen him in a sincere and nurturing mood, but we have all seen how deceitful and destructive and manipulative he can be,” Virgil explained gently. Mindful of a sleeping friend who wasn’t really asleep.  
“You saw what that behavior did to Roman, even if he didn’t mean to hurt him.”  
Patton felt both pain and comfort at that statement. Pain because his friend had been hurting and he was once more reminded that he’d failed to see that. But comfort because he was just so glad that the friendship these two once shared was getting back to what it once was.  
It had been something so precious in Patton’s eyes when they were young, to see the king pretend to be slain and Virgil frantically imploring him to be better, a wish that was always granted. Or Roman nearly being done in by his brother which encouraged Virgil to be brave and help Roman. Remus had been fine with it. The game was: make Virgil not afraid anymore, so if he had to lose two on one for that to happen then the green-clad twin would take it. The close bond between creativity and caution had been lost for much too long. But now, it was back.  
Patton forced himself to redirect his attention to Virgil’s explanation.  
“One moment he looks at you and sees a friend a brother... A son.” Oh... Oh. Was that it? Was that why Virgil was a bit shy about being treated like Patton’s son all of a sudden? Because Janus, his former parental figure was back and it brought back bad memories?  
“The next, you are a pawn to be manipulated in any way that suits what he thinks to be the greater good in that moment. And when he speaks you never know for certain if it’s a painful truth you need to hear to become better, stronger, or a hurtful lie to make you suit his needs.” Virgil took in a long breath and let it out with a sigh.  
Patton held back the urge to hug him. Hot cocoa in his hands. Hugging wasn’t a good idea.  
“It’s a long story, and you should really go get Logan hot cocoa just the way he likes it. He deserves some patented Patton love as well,” Virgil urged with a slightly forced smile. Patton nodded and offered a look of comfort and understanding in return. “Alright kiddo. Thanks for being honest with me. I hope you’ll tell us all the story later so we can understand. But take your time,” he insisted. And then, because he wanted to be clear and honest in his communication with Virgil, “And thank you for trying to spare my feelings by not telling me that Roman isn’t ready for a talk yet. You two rest up. Take care of him for me, and tell him... Tell him I’m sorry I let him down.”  
Virgil’s sheepish look at getting caught in his lie changed to a worried frown as he nodded in confirmation to ensure that he would convey that message to Roman. “I’m sure he’d say that you did nothing of the sort. Don’t let Janus get into your head too much. Ugly truths and painful lies Patton. Don’t fall for the latter just because he gave you a little of the former,” Virgil warned. Patton nodded. Like with Virgil, it would take them some time to figure out how to talk to the new side at their table, but they would manage. Patton was confident in that much.  
“I’ll keep that in mind. Good night then. Thomas should be taking a day or two to relax and take care of himself so you should get plenty of time to recover,” Patton assured Virgil.  
“Night, see you in a minute when something goes wrong anyway.” Patton chuckle at Virgil’s jab before closing the door. When he emerged from his room for the second time that night, now with a mug that only had a single paw print as decoration for Logan he spotted a figure at Virgil’s door... It was Janus.  
“V... Do you want me to beg? Because I will,” he warned, his voice shaky with emotion.  
“He’s not in there,” Patton offered helpfully, feeling for the other side. He hadn’t heard the story yet, but he could gather that Virgil and Janus had been close once. The snake-themed side probably missed his friend. Patton was happy that he tried to make amends right away.  
Janus looked up in surprise. “Oh... Patton, I figured you’d be with Prince Charming still,” he muttered a little uncomfortable now that he was caught in what he thought as a private moment.  
“Me too. But Virgil was looking after him already. I’m on my way to Logan’s. Take a rest, Janus. You earned it. Virgil is probably going to stick with Roman as long as he feels he is in danger.” It was something they’d noticed about the side. If any of them had a rough day, Virgil tended to hover over them a bit more until he felt certain that whatever had caused them distress had passed. Only exceptions being if he himself was overwhelmed. Janus looked back at the door a little dejected. “Oh... Well... Perhaps it’s better if he gets used to the idea a bit first anyway,” he mused, not sounding too convinced.  
“I’m sure it’ll all pan out. Roman and Virgil had a falling out that lasted close to two decades and now they are almost back to old times. Whatever happened between you two is going to sort itself out as well,” Patton assured Janus. The other side nodded and waved him off.  
“Good luck with Logan,” he muttered, still sounding upset about his missed chance to talk to Virgil tonight. Patton almost followed after him but then decided that this problem was the kind where the best way to help was to stay out of it. Virgil and Janus had to solve their own issues.  
Now, he had a hot beverage to deliver.  
“Logan?” he asked gently as he knocked on the pristine door to the room.  
“I know you don’t want to talk, and you don’t have to, but I thought you might like a cup of hot cocoa anyway?” After a few moments, he heard the sound of a lock being taken off and the door opened.  
“A hot beverage would be pleasing,” Logan allowed stiffly as he let Patton into his room. Patton quietly walked into the spotless room. Aside from a few sciency posters and a lot of bookshelves, the room was very bare-bones. Patton sat at the kitchen island and Logan joined him on the other side, accepting his drink.  
“Virgil is worried about you. I’m sure he’d like to hear from you that Janus didn’t hurt you when he took your place,” Patton offered.  
“I see. I shall talk to him about it later. When we’ve all gathered our bearings,” Logan nodded as he took a sip. “This is quite good,” he complimented.  
“Thanks... Logan. I just want to say I’m sorry for skipping your help... The truth is I was panicking and desperately trying to find clear instructions to follow that were impossible to find and if I listened to you, I might have realized what Janus was trying to teach me sooner... Like how listening to you helped us deal with Remus... I made so many mistakes Logan... I’m sorry I made you feel inadequate or not respected because of my own insecurities... I’ve hurt you all so badly. I’m sorry.”  
Logan nodded throughout the whole apology, seemingly more focused on his cup than the words.  
“I feel like my whole existence, I’ve been half-blind and now I was forced to get a better prescription and see the damage I’d done... And I’m sorry that you were caught in the metaphorical fallout of this whole thing.” Logan nodded once again.  
“I appreciate your clarification on your use of figurative speech. Also, you put the effort into this offering,” he took another sip as if to stress what he was talking about. “and you were careful to direct your apology mainly at any distress your actions may have caused, rather than the guilt you feel. Your apology was sincere and therefore I accept it.”  
Patton smiled gratefully at Logan. “Thank you, Lo. And, if you change your mind and decide that you do want to talk, I’m here alright? I won’t push you away ever again. Even if what you have to say makes me feel uncomfortable or scared,” he vowed.  
Logan nodded again. “Let’s agree, that should someone’s behavior overwhelm you in any way, you signal me. By taking off your glasses by example. Even if I were to be the one to make you feel pressured, I will take note of this and attempt to calm the situation down enough for you to focus. Does that sound agreeable?” Patton nodded. “But only if you promise me to tug at your tie three times when you feel like you aren’t being listened to,” Patton insisted.  
Logan allowed for a small smirk and nodded. Satisfied with this agreement they both talked about simpler times. Patton asked Logan about his favorite memory of before Remus and Virgil were moved away from them and Logan recalled when Remus wanted to perform one of the experiments Logan had read about in a kids' science book. Remus had some... Interesting additions. This had made Logan extremely curious. It was a mess and Logan hadn’t even cared. He didn’t have that much fun in ages before or ages to come. Roman and Virgil had performed the original experiment as a control case. They all realized that the results where whatever the twins would imagine it to be, but they had fun pretending they were serious scientists.  
“Sometimes I wonder...” Patton started as his nostalgia started to become clouded with regret. “Nothing could’ve been done about the situation Patton. Sooner or later, Virgil and Remus would be found Unwelcome by Thomas and they would have still ended up in the subconscious.” Logan sounded so sure that Patton let himself believe it for tonight. Then the scene shifted.  
“Thomas is getting ready for bed,” Logan observed. Before Patton could make to leave Logan alone he said something quite surprising. “Do you want to keep me company as I supervise the dreams? Roman is most likely not up for it, and I’d much rather Thomas get a full night's rest.”  
Patton smiled amused and nodded in understanding. If you let Remus anywhere near the dreams they would get really weird. Even by his standards.  
“I’d love to,” Patton nodded as he let Logan lead him the way to the observatory. As they settled into the comfortable chairs to observe the dreams they heard a voice drift through the mindscape. “Who’s good or bad who’s to say?” And as that song continued Thomas fell asleep, feeling better than he had in months.


	3. A journey of a 1000 miles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus has his work cut out for him. But every journey starts with a single step. Only taking that first step proves even more challenging than he'd anticipated.

Janus returned to his room feeling pretty good about today.  
Progress! Finally. Finally he’d been listened to. It… It felt great!  
Sure he would have preferred it if it hadn’t ended with Roman sinking out the way he did, or Logan shouting at Paton…   
Virgil wouldn’t believe him if he said that wasn’t his intent. But it really wasn’t.  
Logan and Patton would probably patch things up on their own… Hopefully. So that left the heartbroken prince. Somehow he’d have to apologize to Roman and convince him that Thomas’ opinion of him hadn’t changed. The ego feeling self-conscious could be devastating to Thomas’ mental health, it would make the breakthroughs of today irrelevant.  
He wasn’t actually concerned about the flamboyant side, and he didn’t care that his past actions had apparently done more damage than he’d anticipated…  
No this was about what it could do to Thomas and the fact that if Virgil thought he’d broken the Prince, Janus would never get his little shadow chaser back.  
He looked in his mirror, hyping himself up. He could do this.  
Virgil would have to learn to work with him around again whether he liked it or not. At the very least for Thomas’ sake. If Virgil worried about his presence in Thomas’ mind, he wouldn’t be able to focus on the dangers in the real world. And if Virgil tolerated him for long enough, he might remember on his own that their past wasn’t all bad.  
He just has to lay the groundwork and be patient. Not his strong suit, he prefers finding short cuts, but those won’t work with Virgil. Not after last time.  
So no tricks. No impersonating his friends to influence him, no lies. Sincerity and patience. Thomas was worth it. Virgil was worth it. And who knows? Maybe Virgil had a point and he’d find that the others were worth it too.  
This shouldn’t be too hard. He’d go and apologize right away. Virgil would probably get a kick out of hearing him say ‘you were right I was wrong’. It was a rare thing for Janus to admit a mistake, much less to apologize for it.  
“So… How did it go?” Remus asked. Janus turned around and found the mustached, green-clad man lounging on his couch and snacking on deodorant.  
That was a new repulsive trait of his since Virgil corrected him on his flavor comment. Janus isn’t exactly a fan, but Remus wasn’t going to stop if he asked, he never did, so he elected to just pretend like it was normal. That was the most likely way to get him to lose interest in the activity.  
“As well as I could’ve hoped I suppose,” Janus offered as he wondered if he should maybe change his clothes to look less threatening. Virgil picked a new look when he got accepted… Or maybe that would put Virgil even more on edge. He’d probably see it as a ploy to manipulate him somehow. He chuckled for a moment as he thought back to the house discussion that had led to that wardrobe change for Virgil and the others. Wasn’t it ironic that he of all sides had the color scheme associated with Thomas’ beloved house? The one known for it’s honest, loyal members? Well… He had loyalty down… At least, he always thought he had. Virgil might disagree.  
“You are in?” Remus asked disbelieving, pulling Janus out of his thoughts.  
“I am,” he confirmed as he nodded to himself. Everything would turn out fine. Patton and Thomas were on board, Logan never had any true opposition to engaging in debates with him and Virgil and Roman would follow the others in their decision. They might be reluctant to do so, but they would come around eventually.  
“Virgil was right.” That wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be. Now he only had to say that to the cautious side’s face. “Just being aggressive doesn’t work. Thomas and the others respond better to a gentle hand… I’m afraid that my past attempts have already done some damage that will be hard to overcome… But in time…” Janus felt a smile tug at his lips at the thought of that…  
“We’ll really be allowed to go back?” Remus mused, strangely vulnerable.  
Remus missed his brother, no matter what he told you and Janus knew enough of lying to know that Roman missed Remus too. He had simply convinced himself that he didn’t. In the end, Roman would be grateful. Janus just hoped that the worst of that process was now behind them and not ahead.  
He turned to the repressed creativity and nodded.  
Thomas would be able to be honest with himself and accept the necessity to think of himself every once in a while. He’d be able to open up to a wider variety of ideas. Sure most of Remus’ ideas would still be shut down, but he’d be able to appreciate Joan’s humor more. He’d be able to take a risk every once in a while. Even his acting would improve if he allowed his mind to go to darker places.  
In the end, everyone would be happier…  
It would’ve saved them a lot of time if Janus had listened to Virgil instead of being possessive and selfish. Ironic. He, who was trying to teach Thomas to be more selfish, had to learn to be more selfless in order to actually get his way.  
A scoff came from the window and made both sides tense as they glanced over at the figure who was staring into the subconscious outside the room.  
“Something you’d like to say?” Janus asked carefully. It would take a lot of work before he was ready to even mention _him_ to the others. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to draw Thomas’ attention to him.  
Not yet anyway.  
“You are both crazy. Your brother fears you Remus, he fears being erased,” he sneered, making Remus recoil. The king was a sensitive subject for everyone.  
“And Janus doesn’t really care about that anyway. He just wants his storm cloud back. Have you gone soft for the little one Jan? Or is it one of those other weaklings who’s caught your fancy?” He mused, still not looking back.  
“Sunny as always,” Janus huffed before turning to Remus to see if he was doing alright. He wasn’t, clearly the words had struck something deep within the darker side of creativity even if Remus pretended to be more fascinated by the beating human heart he’d summoned.  
He’d comfort Remus later. “None of that concerns you. It’s not like you’ll be joining us anyway. You’ve made that perfectly clear.” He knows it’s a lie, one their fellow ‘dark side’, as Roman had dubbed them, had almost convinced himself of. It’s easier to say that you don’t want to be accepted than to face the possibility of rejection.  
“It will take time,” Janus admitted with a sigh. “But if Thomas can fully accept Virgil and Patton can willingly turn to me for advice, then Roman can admit that he misses Remus.” And this, Janus truly believed to be the truth.  
He could see that Remus smiled a little at that.  
“Whatever,” the other side scoffed before disappearing to his own room. Remus and Janus let out a sigh of relief. The ‘dark sides’ always stuck together, but he… He’d always been purposefully difficult to live with.  
“He’s not going to ruin everything is he? Because that’s my thing,” Remus joked half-heartedly.  
Janus sighed. “No, not if Thomas is mindful of self-care like he promised. He didn’t remember you until he was vulnerable to your presence. So as long as he isn’t… Open to him, we have time to prepare. If we stand together, we’ll be able to handle him for as long as he insists on being a problem.” Janus wasn’t sure how much of that was a lie. He hoped none of it was.  
“That’s good… What are you gonna do now?” Remus asked curiously.  
Janus sighed. “The hardest part. Apologize to Virgil and pray that he’ll forgive me.”  
“Well, good luck with that!” Remus chuckled as he disappeared too.  
Janus had to agree with the unspoken ‘you will need it’.  
Well, postponing it any further wouldn’t make it easier. His eye fell on the small piece of fabric on his bedside table. Maybe it would be easier if he went to him with something of his to return.  
He picked it up and smoothed out the creases, tracing the crudely stitched silver spider webs with a small smile. It had been Virgil’s comfort item ever since he moved in. A gift from Janus to make him feel welcome and safe with them. He’d been so small, heartbroken, and scared.  
Well, the middle bit was partly Janus’ fault. And that is why they are in this mess.  
Janus remembered the last thing Virgil had said to him before turning his back on them for good.  
“I hate you! I never want to see your face again! Stay away from us!”  
It had hurt. Not because it was a lie, not because it was the truth but because it was both.  
If Virgil had meant every word, Janus would’ve been able to work with it. Hate and love are close together. Janus would’ve been able to work his way back to the positive side of that coin and then everything would be fine. If Virgil had been lying then Janus would’ve been able to call him out and that would’ve been that.  
But because Virgil had lied about his feelings, but been honest about his desire, Janus had been heartbroken and by the time he recovered he’d been kicked out and denied access to Virgil’s room.  
A side could lock his room to specific sides. Roman, Logan, Paton and now Virgil too, allowed each other to travel freely between their rooms. Janus had only ever been allowed to enter Logan’s room unhindered. And even that privilege he’d lost after he impersonated Patton.  
He readjusted his hat one last time as he let himself hope for a moment that he would be let in tonight. He wondered if it had changed since last time he was there?  
He tucked the fabric away and with another deep breath that did little to nothing to calm his nerves, he appeared in front of the dark wooden door that had various keep out signs on it. Even a handcrafted one that read ‘if you can’t let yourself in, I don’t want you anywhere near me’. Ouch.  
Well. Too bad. Because he won’t leave until he has at least delivered some kind of apology.  
He knocked on the door. “Virgil,” he started, trying to go for smooth, but he couldn’t. He was too worked up to put up a front. Not to mention that he was terrified of how any form of deceit would be received.  
“I understand you are still mad at me, but, as you might know, I’m going to be hanging around from now on. We should at least try to be civil with one another. Just give me a minute, that’s all I need. Then we might come to some sort of agreement that you feel comfortable with?” He waited with baited breath for a response that wasn’t coming.  
Okay, he hadn’t really expected that to work. “I swear I’m coming in peace Virgil. Just talk to me, you don’t have to open the door, just let me know that you are listening.” Still nothing. Janus became nervous. He knew that he had to be patient, but it was hard when part of him had been aching to be within arm’s reach of the young man he’d cared for for most of their lives since they had that fight.  
“If this is about Roman, I’m really sorry. I am going to apologize to him too once Patton is done comforting him. I know you’ll find it hard to believe, but I never intended today to be so hurtful. I know, I should’ve learned my lesson by now. But I just… I needed them to see reason. I know that doesn’t make what I did to your friends right. I’ve… I’ve wreaked havoc on the ‘light sides’ every time you’ve seen me since you joined them. I acted like a villain. A real villain.  
And it will take a lot of work to fix what I did… but a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step right? Let me take this step, Virgil. Let me say sorry for what I did to you…”  
Nothing. All of that and he didn’t even feel a shift in the energy behind the door. He remembered Virgil would sometimes try to drown out the world with music. Had he been trying to disappear in the sound ever since they left the wedding? No… He would have felt Janus’ presence at the door. He had to be ignoring him on purpose.  
“Stormshine?” he tried. Surely the old endearment would at least get some reaction. Virgil always pretended to hate it and made a big deal about how it didn’t fit his vibe.  
And yet today, nothing.  
“V... Do you want me to beg? Because I will,” he warned, his voice shaky with emotion. And it was the truth. He would go down on his knees and plead with him for hours if that was what it would take to get a reaction, any kind of acknowledgment that he existed.  
“He’s not in there.”  
Janus looked up to find Patton had caught him close to begging. Close to breaking.  
No. He wasn’t ready for any of the others to see him in this kind of state. How long had he been standing there?  
“Oh... Patton, I figured you’d be with Prince Charming still,” he muttered, not wanting to acknowledge what the heart had just witnessed.  
Patton nodded a little sheepishly, allowing Janus to pretend he still had his dignity.  
“Me too. But Virgil was looking after him already.” Oh… Oh no. That meant that Virgil already knew everything, except he heard it from the side who’d have nothing positive to say about his actions today. Great. Just great.  
“I’m on my way to Logan’s. Take a rest Janus. You earned it. Virgil is probably going to stick with Roman as long as he feels he is in danger.”  
In danger… Virgil thought he was a danger to his new friends. He’d never be able to talk to him in private now. He should’ve gone straight to Virgil… Then again, Virgil might’ve gone straight to Roman upon sensing his distress.  
He probably never stood a chance at reconciling with Virgil tonight. Why did he think it would be that easy?  
He looked to the door that held his old friend’s sanctuary wishing that it wasn’t closed to him.  
“Oh... Well... Perhaps it’s better if he gets used to the idea a bit first anyway,” he mused.  
Right because Virgil was sure to warm up to him after hearing how Janus had torn the prince down to make his point. Sure his praises of Roman’s strength and sacrifice had been sincere, but that didn’t help the pain he’d caused by spelling out how wasted that effort had been.  
Did he really have to dig himself in deeper today?  
“I’m sure it’ll all pan out,” Patton offered, clearly noticing Janus was slowly losing hope.  
“Roman and Virgil had a falling out that lasted close to two decades and now they are almost back to old times.” Patton had a point. If Virgil was looking after Roman right now then they’d come a long way from their semi war of wits.  
“Whatever happened between you two is going to sort itself out as well.” Janus wished he could be as optimistic as the pun-loving man. But until he knew what damage he was working with, he couldn’t. But to appease his paternal colleague he nodded and gave him a little wave before turning around to walk to his room.  
“Good luck with Logan,” he offered as he wondered how long he’d have to wait for another chance.  
When he heard a door close and looked back he found that he was alone in the hallway again. Suddenly an idea struck him. One Patton would surely disapprove off. What he was about to do couldn’t turn out well. At best he’d hear things he didn’t want to know but wouldn’t be able to forget. At worst he’d be caught and find himself fighting with Virgil, again.  
Only an idiot would risk provoking Virgil when he was in protector mode.  
Apparently he was an idiot because he soon found himself at the colorfully decorated white wooden door to Roman’s room.  
Listening closely. Sound was different in the mindscape. Technically all voices were equally loud wherever you stand. The rooms provide a little dampening, but someone would only have to concentrate and be able to follow the conversation. Janus could’ve listened from his room, but that would take much more focus and might draw Virgil’s attention to his presence more than if he just stood close by.  
This was a bad idea. This was cheating. He should go to his room and work out what he’d say to Virgil tomorrow. He was about to do just that, but then he realized he could hear crying… Roman?  
“I just don’t understand what I did wrong?” It was definitely Roman sobbing. They might all have the same face and voice, but at the same time they all looked and sounded different. Enough to be recognizable. “Why... Why am I the bad guy in this?” The performer’s voice pleaded with Virgil. “Didn’t I do the right thing? Going to the wedding?”  
Janus didn’t feel guilty over the way the normally so boisterous side suddenly sounded so fragile, small, and scared. He didn’t feel responsible for making the man question his role in life. And if he felt bad then it was just because it could be dangerous for Thomas if Roman went down the path his thoughts were turning to. It was a good thing he decided to listen in. Now he knew to keep an eye on Roman, give him the opportunity to be the hero again to reignite his passion.  
“I just... I just wanted to do the right thing. Thomas counted on me to give him hope.” Hope. Another thing Roman represented they couldn’t afford to lose. Why had Janus gambled with him of all sides? If there was one side you didn’t want to make a fool out of…  
“To rise above the challenge and defy that serpent’s scheme despite the odds.”  
He remembered the uncomfortable look Roman had given him when he started to feel uncomfortable with lying to a friend. Pleading with who he thought was a trusted friend to put an end to the performance. Then the uncertain look on Roman’s face turning to devastation during the trial. He’d done that... He had used Roman to try and get himself noticed.  
Roman had been willing to give him a second chance and he’d made him feel horrible for doing so. That was not where Janus had wanted the trial to go to. He’d wanted Thomas to feel comfortable to prioritize himself for once. He’d failed to look around and see that everyone was miserable because of him. He shouldn’t have gloated like a Disney Villain. He should’ve taken that moment to be sincere. To ease Thomas’, and everyone else’s feelings about the situation. Show that he wasn’t evil…  
“But other than a brief feeling of victory... I’ve never felt worse. I mean, Remus got the better of me for the first time in ages.” Encouraging Remus to go nuts hadn’t been a great idea either. He’d known that Logan would be able to show the Duke wasn’t evil. The analogy of a child with a tantrum was accurate. Just a neglected side who was going all out with the playtime he’d been offered.  
And in the end, Janus hoped that Thomas would learn that even his most disturbing thoughts didn’t make him evil as a person. That even his most disturbing side wasn’t a malicious individual.  
And then Virgil and Patton would lay off on Thomas. They would be more open to Janus when he tried again. It worked, for Patton at least. But was it worth the near hysteric sobbing he heard from the prince now? He might not have been impersonated, but he ended up the sacrificed pawn in every move Janus had made. Manipulated twice, and overpowered the third time. Of course he wasn’t willing to give Janus any room to influence him this time around.  
“It’s not right! Why do I feel like I’m being punished for doing what we knew was right, while Janus is being celebrated? Janus was wrong... Wasn’t he?”  
Janus was reminded of a younger Virgil crying himself to sleep because he thought Thomas hated him. It felt wrong to hear Roman sound equally scared and desperate for words of comfort.  
“You did good Ro.” Janus barely managed to hold back a gasp as he heard Virgil speak. He hadn’t heard him sound so gentle and unguarded in ages. Even when he played Paton, Virgil had been distant and cold towards him. Since he was suspicious of him the whole time he hadn’t offered him a single kind word of friendly smile. He’d just been trying to confirm his suspicion. It probably would comfort Thomas to realize that even his deceptive side was a very poor liar. Because Thomas wasn’t that great at it.  
Acting? No problem. Lying to people’s face? Rubbish. Thomas was too nice. And that was why all the sides loved him and wanted to protect him. It was more than just self-preservation.  
“But we all knew that we felt conflicted about it when we left the door. We’re all on edge and from the sound of it, you weren’t at fault in the escalation of the conflict.”  
It was so odd. Virgil was being such a strange combination of firm and gentle. Janus knew that he sincerely cared about his bantering partner. The two argued almost all the time. It was their nature. Virgil was in charge of the looking where Roman was the one who leapt. Often they had the same destination, it was the road they rarely agreed on.  
Janus had seen that Roman was a lot more mindful of hurting Virgil’s feelings during those arguments. And that Virgil cared about Roman’s wellbeing. It was out of fear for Roman’s wellbeing that Virgil had actively blocked Roman out of Thomas’ thoughts once he sensed the duke’s presence that night. And it was for his sake that he’d been so frantic in forgetting the visit had ever happened in the first place. Virgil… Cared about the others. Janus knew this of course. He’d known this for years, even when Virgil swore that he only tolerated them because Thomas needed them. But he hadn’t let himself belief it until now he supposed.  
“Patton is the one who wasn’t honest with himself out of fear to disappoint Thomas.  
And Janus was the one to push him to the edge.”  
He was surprised that Virgil sounded so calm at that last part. He didn’t sound angry. Could it be that Virgil was willing to give him a chance?  
“And it was Janus who’d hurt you in the past and didn’t bother to apologize or acknowledge it had even happened. Of course you were on edge around him. But that’s just how he is,” Virgil sounded resigned to that fact. It made Janus determined to prove him wrong. He’d been planning to apologize to both Virgil and Roman. And he would. He’d earn the trust of every one of the other sides.  
“What happened?” Roman asked after a few moments silence. “You said that Janus was a big part of the reason you thought you were bad or something?” When Janus heard that he vanished to his own room, not wanting to risk making a sound. He didn’t want to listen to that. But as he dropped onto his couch, his mind drifted back on its own.  
In Janus’ defense, he had been lonely at the time. His only fellow outcast hadn’t been the greatest conversationalist.  
When Fear started to manifest he’d found the side endearing. They were all exactly the same size back then… But Fear always seemed smaller somehow. And he was shy, unlike the rest of them. That triggered some protective instincts.  
He was ‘born’ because Patton was getting trouble dealing with all of Thomas’ emotions. Especially the ones dealing with fear, since their charge could get very overwhelmed by the pressures of the outside world. And so a separate identity formed around all his worries and insecurities.  
The trickster had half expected fear to be sent to him the second he was formed. He existed because the moral compass couldn’t handle these duties after all. Why wouldn’t he assume that the resulting side would be rejected? But Patton felt attached to the new being created from his own turmoil. And the king… Well he didn’t mind having an addition to his audience and a challenge in both entertaining and comforting the new inhabitant of Thomas’ mind. Logan found that fear was a proper student, unlike the king and the heart who’d both lacked the attention span to listen to him for a long time. Like he said, young Fear triggered a certain protective instinct in his fellow sides.  
Perhaps it had been selfish of Janus, to be upset about fear being taken in by the others. He didn’t truly wish for the boy to be cast out on his first day. But he’d been convinced that sooner or later he would be deemed Unwanted and then it would hurt more if he got attached to the others.  
Then the king split and it took only a few months for Remus to be pushed away, yet Virgil remained. Janus hadn’t liked to tear the twins apart the way he had. But it had taken him about one second of seeing the white clad creativity to know that he would not allow his brother to leave unless he was forced to.  
Remus was a little scared at first of the sudden move and unsure of why he couldn’t go play with Roman and Fear anymore. Soon however, he came to enjoy the fact that he could do whatever he wanted without being scolded… Or at least not the way Patton would. Janus let him do whatever as long as it wasn’t too loud or didn’t cause too much of a ruckus.  
He wasn’t as lonely. But still he envied Patton.  
He kept a closer eye on the other sides, making sure that Roman could handle the task he shared with his brother on his own. And in doing so he saw the way Fear held onto Patton. How he looked to the others with wide pleading eyes, looking for assurance and guidance. Was it terrible that he wanted that?  
And he saw how Roman struggled with the absence of his brother. How it affected his behavior. The prince still tried to be a good friend to the others, but he hid his pain and fears behind a mask of confidence and occasionally he lashed out.  
He witnessed as one such occasion resulted in Fear panicking and the two older sides scolding him for it while Roman tried to get their attention and explain that it was actually his fault.  
But Fear already ran off. He kept going until he was in no man’s land. Janus had acted with little thought, not wanting the voices of Fear’s friends to carry over. He could sense Roman’s sincere desire to fix everything. His courage in admitting his mistake. If Fear happened to hear any of that, this opportunity could be lost forever.  
 _“What are you doing so far out?” he wondered gently as he approached a disoriented and distraught Fear who’d been curled on the ground, pushing down an oncoming panic attack.  
Roman would probably liken the scenery to when Snow White found herself in the middle of the dark forest. Except, there were no cute woodland critters that approached the young protector. It was the half serpent guardian of Thomas’ mind.  
The boy looked up and scrambled away, back towards the main chambers.  
“I know who you are!” he exclaimed in warning as he got up. The action might seem terrified, but the twelve year old’s voice was surprisingly strong and his eyes stood fierce. He wasn’t trying to escape. He was putting some distance between them so he had time to fight back should an attack come. Fear, was brave.  
“You are the one who took Remus! You are Deceit!” the boy told him in an accusatory tone.  
“Let me guess, Patton told you all about me?” he asked smoothly cocking his head curiously as he observed the boy.  
“Yes! And I won’t let you get Thomas in trouble! You’ll have to go through me!” he insisted.  
“Of course you won’t. You keep Thomas safe after all. As do I,” Janus stated simply.  
Fear frowned confused. “You… You do?”  
“But of course. Thomas didn’t like the thoughts Remus gave him did he?” he offered.  
“Well… No. I guess not…” Fear flinched, looking guilty for saying something like that about his friend’s hard work.  
“It’s alright. It’s just the world we live in. Some things about Thomas are best kept hidden away. At least, if we want Thomas to have friends. If we want his parents to be proud of him. If we want him to be safe.” He took a step forward, testing the waters. Fear stepped back, shaking his head.  
“No! You are playing tricks on me so I’ll help you! I won’t betray Roman and Logan and Patton!”  
“And they would do the same for you wouldn’t they? They’d stand by you with unwavering trust and loyalty. They are your friends after all,” Janus nodded simply.  
“I…” The pain that flashed over Fear’s face almost made Janus back off. Almost.  
“I haven’t introduced myself. Patton calls me Deceit, but my real name… If I can trust you with it?”  
Fear looked back towards the main room hesitantly before turning to him, still apprehensive, and nodding.  
“Janus,” he’d finished. Fear nodded and gave him an awkward wave. “Fear,” he said quietly. “I don’t have a real name yet,” Janus had been surprised to hear a lie in that statement. Had Fear been hoarding a secret?  
“It’s alright if you don’t want to tell me yet. But there’s no point in lying to me,” Janus informed him. Fear’s eyes flashed wide and he took a step back.  
“Why though? Why lie in the first place?” Janus wondered. “Is it perhaps because deep down you know they won’t ever fully accept you? Do you fear that hearing your name might be the final piece that will make them abandon you?” Janus guessed and he could see that he’d hit a sensitive spot for the boy. For a second he paled and then he darkened. His eyes changed, grew pitch black, he hissed in warning and crouched as if ready to attack.  
“I’m sorry,” Janus allowed sincerely. “Your reasons are yours… But… You shouldn’t be so worried for the approval of people who consider you a problem to be solved. You aren’t a problem Fear. You are a solution.” And it was there that Janus got the boy hooked. While the caution didn’t leave his eyes, he drank in every word Janus said after that. He even let him inch closer and closer as he spoke.  
“The outside is full of dangers. Real ones like traffic and burglars… But tricky ones like losing friends and angering family too. You are the one who protects Thomas from both. The others don’t see that. Patton made you and even he thinks you need to be fixed. While you are exactly the way you should be.” Janus came to stand right in front of him, his face reassuring.  
Fear shook his head, trying to deny what Janus was saying… But it’s exactly what he thought… At least sometimes, when he’d had a bad day and something one of the others said stuck with him.  
‘See? Nothing to be afraid of.’  
‘Oh, Kiddo. You shouldn’t worry so much. We’ve got it all under control.’  
‘Fear is not for the noble knights of the round table! We shall vanquish all evil my friend!’  
They meant well, but was that what they truly thought of him? Unnecessary? Exaggerated? Unwanted?  
“They try to dismiss you. Brush you off,” Janus pressed on. “But what if you see something really important and they ignore you? You can’t let that happen. Because if you do, Thomas will ignore you and get hurt,”  
“I… I know. I won’t let it happen!” Fear insisted.  
“But will the others let you take the lead when it’s needed?” Janus asked before holding out a hand.  
“I don’t wait for permission from Patton to do anything. And I can teach you to take charge as well. If you are up for it?”  
The younger side almost reached for the offered hand but hesitated.  
“Tell you what. Just come have a look. If you still think I’m evil, then you just run right back and tell the others what you found. Sounds good?”  
Fear had nodded and followed him to the basement.  
“Scaredy Cat!” Remus had exclaimed as he tackled Fear to the ground.  
“Remus!” Fear gasped in disbelief.  
“That’s me!” the chaotic boy giggled excitedly. “What are you doing here?” he asked.  
“I…” suddenly a determined look came over Fear’s face. “I’m here to bring you back. Ro misses you.”  
That was unexpected. But Janus was not worried.  
Remus giggled and booped his young friend’s nose. “That’s sweet darling. But I have to stay here. Thomas has a barrier that keeps me from going back up. It’s alright though. I get to go really crazy down here!” he grinned. “Jan says there is no point denying who we are down here. It’s awesome!” Remus told him as he finally got off Virgil and gestured around before flopping down on the floor.  
“I’m good here squirt. I don’t have to feel bad about being me and getting Thomas in trouble down here.”  
“So… He wasn’t mean to you?” Fear asked carefully.  
“Of course not!” Remus exclaimed shocked. “We’re outcasts, we look after one another,” he grinned before running of to his room yelling about a perfectly gross idea.  
“See?” Janus grinned as he sat down in the spot Remus left behind. “I don’t know what Patton said about me. But I’m not that bad am I?” Janus offered.  
“You’d really help me to protect Thomas?” Fear asked carefully.  
“Of course Fear. That’s all I want. For you to do what you were born to do,” Janus promised.  
For an infinite moment Fear stared at him. “Alright… I’ll stay a while… But the second I smell something fishy, I’m out of here!” the younger one insisted.  
“Of course. You can leave whenever you want. And I promise I’ll make sure that you’ll never be ignored.”  
Fear smiled and nodded, reaching out to shake Janus’ hand. “Thanks,”_

Virgil had enjoyed his stay with them. Very soon they had their own dynamic. Remus and Virgil had plenty playfights and Janus usually was the one to keep things from getting out of hand. Very soon Virgil had a preteen attitude with him, but in a loving way.  
Janus was elated. He and Virgil had long conversations about the flaws of society and laughed at each other’s particular brands of humor. Before the week was over, Virgil revealed his name to them.  
Janus sighed wistfully as he remembered those times. Surely Virgil still remembered those parts. The good bits.  
“JD! Come see!” Before Janus could really register that Remus had appeared on his lap, they were in Remus room instead. Still on the couch, still in a position that made Janus throw his friend to the ground, which didn’t bother the Duke in the least. But… Yeah they were in the rather… Well let’s not dwell too much on what that room is like. We’d all like to be able to sleep tonight and keep our appetite intact.  
“What?!” Janus exclaimed still a little shocked at the sudden well, everything.  
Remus was giggling as he got up and sat next to Janus on the couch.  
“You know that me and Roman’s room are connected right?” he giggled, on the virge of hysteric laughter it seemed.  
“Yes…” Janus said slowly.  
“Well, whenever I’m bored I check in with Roro and sometimes I make up funny things for him to say. My favorite is when he and our resident Gloom Expert have their movie nights. It’s great to make voices for them and make up what they are saying to each other. Or to narrate their real thoughts.”  
Janus nodded. He didn’t need to know what exactly those conversations were about.  
“So I wanted to check in tonight and look what I saw!” Remus was now full out laughing as he pointed at the screen.  
“From the looks of it, they are being all mushy,” Remus explained as Janus took in the way Roman and Virgil sat as close together as they could without actually being in one another’s laps. Their bodies indicating that they were comfortable with one another despite the heavy subject they were undoubtedly discussing. Virgil was blushing and Roman had an awed smile on his face.  
“If they can go from mortal enemies to this, then sure Romie can warm up to the both of us too right?” Remus offered hopefully.  
“Yeah… Yeah I’m sure he can,” Janus agreed as he focused on what was being said. Their expressions turned heavy.  
“…face again. And I’ve been pissed ever since.” He heard Virgil tell Roman.  
He didn’t need to wonder what they were talking about. The day everything went to hell.

_“Virgil? Virgil! Come on. We’re having fantasy pizza. Come out!” Janus tried desperately knocking at the younger ones door. He knew it. He knew that engaging with Thomas directly would lead to this. Why had he let Virgil indulge in this hobby of his? Why had it been so important for him to mess with the others out in the open? Because a few Fanders liked him?  
Maybe… Maybe he just needed to give Virgil some time? Surely he’d realize that he couldn’t protect Thomas from his room… Yes that is it. Just… Just wait a little bit. The MCR fan wouldn’t last a day without making sure the door was locked.  
He nearly broke down the door when he heard the screaming. But he didn’t. He knew it was the others, he knew Thomas was with them too, if not for him they wouldn’t have been able to get passed the locked door. And so, he couldn’t interfere. Not unless Thomas was open to meeting him.  
When all of them were gone, really gone, he let himself in. Virgil had finally unlocked the door. For everyone. Including the sides from upstairs.  
He found Virgil looking at a handmade card. From Patton. That smug little… Oh, they’d have words about this later. When he gave that stupid piece of paper back on Virgil’s behalf and told him where to shove it.  
“You have got to be kidding me. Such saps,” Janus sighed as he rolled his eyes while swiping the card from Virgil’s hands and took a look at it.  
“UR Fam… ILY” he read out and then the paper was taken back.  
“It’s a nice gesture,” Virgil insisted, with an alarming kind of expression. A half smile. A real, sincere, genuine, half smile. Janus panicked. He was losing him. He couldn’t lose him. Not his StormShine.  
“Come on Virge… How long do you think this’ll last? How long before the valiant Prince throws a tantrum over you reminding him that he’s not being realistic and tries to banish you? How long before the calm teacher is fed up with your ‘irrational’ fears and yells you straight to your room? How long before that moral pain in the neck grows tired of parenting an eternally rowdy teenager and kicks you back to the curb?” he asked.  
_ _Virgil just frowned. His words had no effect. And he knew why. He could feel the echoes of truth in the room. Everyone had been beyond sincere in their pleas with Virgil to return.  
And it had earned them his trust back.  
“They won’t… They never have… I ran away because I couldn’t deal. But if I had tried… Things could’ve gone different.” He was trying to reason with him. Trying to reach out and pull him along to this new family of his. “I could’ve been a go between for us all. If I hadn’t been so worried about making myself heard and instead listened…” Virgil shook his head to clear it. “Jan… We can do this. We can go upstairs, all of us. If we just… Do it the right way. By showing we care instead of forcing ourselves into the driver’s seat. With time… Who knows. Maybe even Remus can come back up…”  
No… No… Patton would never allow that. He wouldn’t let them do their jobs right. He couldn’t take the risk.  
“I should have never let you go out. Talking to Thomas has made you an idealist. I won’t stand for it any longer…” He should have reasoned with Virge. Told him that Thomas didn’t really want his input for that first video. The title alone!  
“J, if you just…” Virgil started with pleading eyes.  
“I won’t let them do this! They don’t get to take you away now!” Janus seethed. Only after he said it did he realize that he’d just given himself away.  
Virgil’s reaching hand fell to his side and his expression fell to a blank stare. Janus could see him put pieces together. No…  
“Of course…” It was a broken sound. There was something that almost sounded like a laugh, but not a happy one. “You were playing me this whole time. Like a little puppet on strings. You manipulated me! This was some kind of game to you… You never cared. You just wanted to take something from Patton!” Virgil accused him.  
_ _“That’s not true!” Janus insisted. It wasn’t. He was jealous yes, but he took Virgil in because he wanted to be his friend, one who could truly understand him.  
“I do care! And I don’t want to cause Patton pain! That’s not my purpose. I aim to make choices he can’t make when they are necessary. But I’d never purposefully hurt any part of Thomas!”  
“Why then!? Why pull the strings so I never reconnected with Roman or Patton or Logan again!?” Virgil demanded.  
“I did what I thought was needed!” he insisted, unable to admit that he was just really, really lonely and he had decided that Virgil would benefit from being with him more than he would from being with sides that would handle him like he was made of glass half the time.  
Virgil’s eyes were stone cold. “So you admit it then. You did lie.”  
Janus wanted to deny it, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t bring himself to lie to his face now. It wouldn’t work anyway. Virgil knew him too well.  
“Virgil… Please…” He cried out, not sure what to say to undo the damage that had just been wrought.  
“So what now? I suppose you expect me to spy on the others for you?! Was that why you let me get close to them? So you could use me to corrupt Thomas?” The words stung. Virgil really thought he was evil? After all this time… How much had he hurt him for him to lose nearly twenty years of trust just like that?  
“No! I swear! I promised you you could leave whenever you wanted. I was just trying to keep that promise,” he swore.  
“Good!” Virgil snapped. “So let me go!”  
“Stormshine,” Janus’ voice cracked as he reached out, his eyes pleading and tears almost escaping him. Virgil stepped back and looked away, his make up running with angry tears.  
“Let me go and stay away! From me and from my friends. Especially from Thomas! You only hurt him!”  
“That’s a lie!” Janus protested.  
“Is it!?” Virgil snapped looking back furiously. “Who had him convinced he was straight? Kept all of us from showing him that he very much wasn’t?”  
That was a low blow. Thomas didn’t want to know at the time. He wasn’t ready. “I was just doing my job!”  
“And making everyone, including me and Remus, miserable! I was wrong. You can’t be allowed upstairs! You’ll never change!  
I hate you! I never want to see your face again! Stay away from us!” And before he knew it, he was outside the door and it disappeared from the basement. No…_

“I am so going to tease Ro about this when we get upstairs. I’ll torture him by being the biggest prinxiety shipper ever. I’ll decorate his room with fanart. Read fics aloud. It’s going to be great!”  
Remus giggled next to him, pulling Janus back to the present where Roman had pulled Virgil into a hug. Janus listened to what was said instead of the inappropriate proposal Remus dubbed in a weird imitation of his brother’s voice.  
“Want me to stab him for you? Because I would totally stab him for you.” Considering how sincere he sounded Janus made a note to watch his back the next few weeks. He was used to being maimed by Remus, but it wasn’t pleasant.  
Virgil’s chuckled as he hugged the prince back. An action that was received with incredulous screeching from the duke. “Virgil never hugs!” he exclaimed. Janus nodded in agreement. More interested in how… comfortable Virgil was. Maybe… maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe the upstairs would’ve helped Virgil thrive in ways he hadn’t anticipated.  
Just then their surroundings changed and just like Roman and Virgil, Janus and Remus found themselves sitting on the bed in Thomas’s bedroom.  
Virgil got up but was pulled back down by Roman, the creative side looking panicked at the prospect of his friend leaving. Janus flinched. His fault.  
He watched them exchange words, ignoring Remus making suggestive comments, eating it all up.  
When their sleepwear manifested Roman’s face turned vulnerable in a way even Remus couldn’t make fun of. “What did you do to my BroRo? I’ve never seen him like that,” Remus wondered. Sad, but not accusatory.  
“I underestimated the impact of my actions,” Janus admitted as he watched how Virgil pulled Roman close as they got under the covers. Roman curling up against his side and resting his head over his heart.  
And then they saw how Virgil started to sing Roman to sleep.  
“We should go to bed too,” Janus sighed. Tomorrow would be a hard day.  
“Yeah. Nerd and Prude are in the dreamroom so I won’t get to have fun there. Might as well,” Remus shrugged. “Goodnight Snekboi,” he waved.  
“Night disasterman,” Janus replied before disappearing to his room and getting into bed.  
He settled in and listened to Virgil’s voice. He would make it up to him somehow. Starting tomorrow. He took out the piece of fabric and held it close.  
And with fantasies of a successful reunion filling his thoughts he drifted off to sleep.


	4. Good morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new morning has arrived in the mindscape. How does Roman feel after a good night's rest?

The sound of an alarm echoed through the hallways of the mindscape, but went largely ignored.  
In the dreamscape a father looked up from his spot next to a teacher who was taking careful notes of their surroundings. Which probably making the dreams more vivid in the process.  
In the darker corners of the mind, only one side truly woke up from the alarm an got up to prepare for the day ahead. The other two grunted displeased and turned around… but neither before tossing something at the wall as if that would stop the unpleasant noise.  
In the room where fears and doubts reside the shadow’s stirred at the sound, but the one who was supposed to urge Thomas to wake up and address all their concerns was not there. He laid in a room that was about to become a scene from numerous Disney classics.  
Bluebirds opened the curtains to the royal bedchambers so the prince could assist Thomas in getting ready for the day. They could’ve spared themselves the trouble.  
Thomas –who’d set his alarm the previous morning and forgotten all about it when he went to bed –turned it off and went right back to sleep.  
Virgil, knowing that Thomas had no obligations for at least the next 48 hours, just buried his head deeper into the pillow and ignored everything. Including the birds and the light and the fact that he was definitely not in his room.  
Not knowing what to do the birds awaited orders of their prince who slowly blinked himself awake.  
Roman currently occupied as much space in his king sized bed as humanly possible.  
When his eyes adjusted to the light he stretched a little, feeling a slight tug at the bottom of his shirt as he moved. He looked down and found Virgil curled up at the far edge of the bed with one hand reaching out and holding onto the fabric of his sleeping shirt to assure himself of his presence.  
In the light of day he could see that when Virgil manifested in his sleepwear, his make-up vanished, allowing Roman to really see the other sides’ face for the first time in almost twenty years.  
In the mindscape the sides’ physical appearance varied a little more than in the real world.  
Roman was the tallest of them, Patton and Logan both were about Thomas’ height and Virgil stood an inch shorter, at least he did when he stood straight, which was almost never.  
Patton had freckles everywhere and his dirty blond hair was curly.  
Logan’s skin was spotless and a little pale. His dark hair was always combed back neatly and cut shorter than Thomas’.  
Roman’s skin was tanned and his chestnut hair had a slight elegant sweep to it and he always combed it out of his face, got to show off the moneymaker after all.  
Virgil was the only one of them who had stuck to Thomas’ real hairstyle, except he let the bangs go straight down his face, and ever since Thomas colored it for the first time Virgil kept the purple as his new signature look. Roman had opted not to paint his hair ‘full rainbow’ because he wanted to allow Virgil to stand out in his own way.  
The anxious side was paler than the rest of them but under that white foundation he had a rosy color to his skin and freckles dotting the area under his eyes. Roman knew this, Virgil didn’t start wearing make-up or hoodies until after he moved to the other side. Which was exactly what made Roman so happy to see this.  
Underneath that broody exterior, his old friend was, and always had been, the same person he’d had so much fun with back when things were simple.  
He hoped Virgil had at least slept decently after practically being forced to spend the night here.  
Virgil was a creature of habits, they comforted him, that much Roman had learned.  
This unexpected change couldn’t be pleasant. He looked up to the helpful little creatures at his window who were wondering what to do.  
He gave them a gentle smile and signaled that they could go, he didn’t need their help this morning.  
They bowed and closed the curtains on their way out.  
Roman, knowing he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, slowly sat up straighter. He made sure not to disturb Virgil. He deserved every second of sleep he could get. He, Patton and Logan all had been horrified to learn that Virgil rarely allowed himself to really sleep.  
Technically they didn’t need to sleep, or eat or do anything Thomas needs to do to stay alive. They have no real bodies that can starve or get exhausted. But mental exhaustion is still very real, they all had to at least take a nap every once in a while. It wasn’t like ducking out. Even asleep they remained part of Thomas’ being. But it weakened their influence slightly.  
Virgil, apparently, was so stressed about something going wrong while he was asleep that he always postponed it as long as he could. So perhaps mental health days would be a good thing for Virgil too. Maybe he could relax today and have some fun without half of his mind being with whatever Thomas was currently doing.  
Speaking of having fun… Roman summoned a notepad and started writing down ideas for what Thomas could do today. Fun activities that had no goal or obligation other than to recharge all of their batteries so they could tackle the next challenge at full strength.  
Not too intense for Virgil, yet stimulating enough for Logan and wholesome and cute for Patton. And somehow entertaining for Janus and Remus as well.  
Well there is that book Thomas meant to read, it came highly recommended, but there never seemed to be time to really sit down and read it.  
And there were a couple of puzzles he’d bought for slow days. One in particular had lots of cute animals in it that Patton would love. There was the Lego Disney castle…  
Oh, playing Kingdom Hearts would be fun. That one was probably best for everyone. Challenging for Logan, but not so stressful that it would trigger Virgil. Patton loved the whole hearts and friendship storyline. And he was sure that Janus could appreciate the many layers to the story or whatever. Remus definitely liked the heartless.  
And, personally, he could never resist anything that involved Disney. Especially when they could play the hero who saved all their beloved characters from evil. They could definitely spend a few of their hours on that.  
Now for food… Well there was their Hello Fresh delivery... But Thomas might not feel like cooking at all. Best have a plan b, just in case. They still had some time to donate their order and if necessary they could keep today’s delivery for tomorrow and donate that one instead.  
Roman, realizing what he was doing, couldn’t help but chuckle at himself. Look at him making contingencies… Virgil is rubbing of on him.  
He shouldn’t bring his plan b up to Thomas unless it was needed though. Once the idea of ordering some comfort food was on the table, cooking would look even less appealing and Thomas had been doing so well on cooking his own meals. And cooking for himself made Thomas feel in control of his own life and Patton was always proud of him when he did that. It was slightly more stressful for Virgil, but not that much more than having some stranger handle their food did. Besides, less social interaction would probably be appreciated. And eating healthy counts as self care right?  
What else? Well, Thomas could watch a few movies.  
Roman wanted to give him enough things to do today that didn’t require their full and undivided attention. That way, all of them could do some things for fun too.  
He could take Virgil on a tour in the imagination. Maybe they could even talk with Remus. He was pretty much alone now. Sure there was… Him. But he didn’t really count. From the one time Roman and Virgil had talked about downstairs, Virgil had made it clear that even the ‘dark sides’ didn’t like to go anywhere near him.  
He wasn’t going to leave his brother alone with that guy regardless. It wouldn’t be fair. Remus couldn’t help the way he was. Janus had simply set him loose and he’d gone a little overboard.  
Sure, Roman had been mad about it at the time, but he’d gotten over it. Remus had even checked in on him when Roman ventured near the border later that day. He’d been rather pleasant about it all and seemed even slightly worried he’d done permanent damage. It was veiled in insults about his intelligence and looks of course. Still, it was a nice sentiment he had come to appreciate. And it was more than Janus had ever offered.  
So as long as Remus promised to refrain from using violence against him or his friends, Roman could learn to live with his brother again. If Virgil was okay with that. He would not make such a decision over his head. He’d lived with Remus for years, it should be up to him if he wanted to do so again.  
He tore off the page with suggestions for Thomas and wrote down things he wanted to do himself.  
It was a ‘take care of yourself day’ after all. So with his part in taking care of Thomas done he focused on recharging his own batteries. He glanced down at Virgil. He better make a plan b in case Virgil doesn’t feel like spending the day with him and Remus. One thing he is sure of, he doesn’t want to be alone today. And he doesn’t really want to be around Janus or Patton if he doesn’t have to be.  
He could hang out with Remus in the imagination if Virgil really didn’t want to be around other sides today.  
Before long he had a list of activities he could be doing with his chosen company and things he could do alone should he find himself without other options.  
He really hoped Virgil was up for a visit to the imagination though. He’d been wanting to ask for ages, but there never seemed to be a right time. Now that Remus might be coming along… Well it might take some of the pressure off for Virgil if he wasn’t the only new visitor. He just had to take things one step at a time. Suddenly he felt the grip on his shirt disappear and he looked down to find Virgil curling up entirely for a moment before letting out a yawn, rolling on his stomach and stretching himself out. Roman bit back a comment about how much Virgil resembled a kitten in that moment. It wouldn’t be appreciated.  
“Morning pumpkin king,” he greeted playfully. Virgil blinked a few times and then pushed himself up until he sat cross-legged on the bed.  
“Morning Princey,” he replied only half awake, rubbing at his eyes.  
“I hope my accommodations were to your liking?” Roman offered as he summoned a piece of parchment and a feather to copy down the ideas he wanted Thomas to consider.  
It was necessary if he wanted his ideas to come through clearly. Quickly scrabbled notes got jumbled along the way until there was only a vague notion of a plan left. Just the wish to do something.  
But when it was written out carefully on parchment, then it was a plan clear as day.  
“Um, yeah. Slept fine… how are you?” Virgil verified tentatively.  
Roman looked up from his writing to send him an appreciative smile. He didn’t insult the openness they’d shared last night by hiding the weariness of his eyes, or overplaying his smile to camouflage the slight worry lines that appeared when he felt less than his charming self.  
“I’m better. Not alright, but better,” he told him honestly.  
Virgil contemplated that for a minute and then nodded to himself.  
“Good… What are you working on?” he asked then, buying them both some time before they’d have to talk about last night and what awaited them today.  
“Well… Logan might make the work schedules, but I’m in charge of what happens. Mostly. So I wrote a few options. Once this is done my day off starts though,” he glances down at Virgil sternly. “As does yours,” he reminds him sternly and Virgil chuckles, throwing his hands up in surrender. “Alright, I promise!” Then he scoots a little closer to look at what Roman is writing.  
“KH sounds like fun,” he mutters casually as he leaned back and studied the star covered ceiling. Unbeknownst to Virgil, his voiced approval added his sigil next to that idea.  
“I thought we’d all like that one best.” With a flourish Roman signed the paper and let it vanish up to the outer layer of the conscious where it would get everyone else’s attention and votes until Thomas made a real decision.  
It was quite literally out of Roman’s hands what would happen now. And for once he was okay with that. It felt freeing in a way, to let go of an idea and let it be what it would be.  
He stared at the space where the paper had been seconds ago, contemplating how he could ask Virgil to spent the day in the imagination.  
“Hey, Ro?” Virgil said quietly getting the performer’s attention. “Yes?”  
“If you ever doubt if Thomas still thinks of you as a hero… Ask me, not Janus,”  
That… Wasn’t what he expected. “Alright. Why?” Roman asked confused, mirroring Virgil’s cross-legged position and properly turning on the bed to face him.  
“Like I said. Whatever Janus says, you never know by what rules he’s playing, when he’s sincere. And… If anyone knows how Thomas might be feeling about his hero… It’d be me.”  
Roman blinked surprised at that, the awkward blush on his brooding friend’s face didn’t help his confusion.   
“I mean… It’s… Remember the middle school writings and stuff we looked at back when we all visited Patton’s room?” Virgil muttered, avoiding Roman’s gaze by studying one of his posters.  
“Yes. It helped me realize just how much I created to… Calm you down, I suppose,” Roman admitted, now feeling a little embarrassed himself.  
Neither of them was used to this sort of conversation. Last night Roman had been too upset to really care about being vulnerable and Virgil had been too worried. Now, now they both sat here with a clear head and no choice but to be aware of the fact that they were both admitting to caring about one another. Which was a huge step up from the playful ‘I barely tolerate you’ atmosphere they usually had where such sentiments were ‘an understood thing’. Virgil was his best friend, there was no doubt in Roman’s mind about that. And maybe they both should tell each other these things more often. It seemed like their resident guardian angel was about to do just that. Unless Roman was misreading the situation.  
Virgil nodded. “Right… I mean, I know I really started to act like a villain back then… But we’ve established that my… ‘Fits’ were me being worried and trying to get you guys to pay attention to the dangers I saw… I was scared too. And when Patton and Logan weren’t sure what to do because, well, puberty had them both in a mess.”  
Roman nodded. Logan struggled to make sense of everything back then and Patton… Well it wouldn’t surprise anyone to hear that the heart is all over the place in ones teen years.  
“You still rose to the challenge to make Thomas, and me, feel safe and somewhat in control of things. As at odds as we were… As mad as I tried to be with you. You were my hero as much as you where Thomas’. If anyone is going to notice when he stops looking up to you, stops feeling calmer when you’re in his corner, it’ll be me… and for what it’s worth, you’ll always be mine. Even if Thomas completely loses his mind somehow, because that’s the only way I see him ever stop looking up to you the way he does…” Finally Virgil looked back at Roman with a beet red face and an annoyed expression. “Now, stop being so mopey. I’m not good at this comforting stuff and I never want to be so mushy again alright? It messes with my image,” he huffed.  
Roman couldn’t help the smile at that. Virgil was obviously compensating for the vulnerable moment and he could respect that. But his words had calmed so much of his nerves.   
He nodded in agreement. “I shall do my best. Thank you, my lavender compatriot,” he sighed as he reached out and laid a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “I can’t tell you how much I needed that.”  
Knowing that he shouldn’t push the physical affection, Virgil probably had his fill of that for the week, he simply squeezed the other side’s shoulder and withdrew his arm.  
Virgil rolled his eyes playfully. “No problem Princey,” Virgil assured him. “Just leave the doctor dooming to me in the future okay? If you lose your sparkle… Who’s going to make Thomas believe in himself? Not me, that’s for certain. And Logan is a little too frank about odds and the like and Patton… Well, no one really believes it when their dad says they can do something, not if they don’t believe it a little themselves first at least,” he reminded Roman.  
The prince nodded thoughtfully.  
“And no one is going to believe anything Janus says. Even if he dressed up as you it wouldn’t last long.” That remark brought back a question Roman has had since Janus revealed himself to Thomas for the first time.  
“Hey Virge? How well do you know Janus?”  
Virgil frowned and shrugged. “I used to think I knew all about him. But lately… I don’t know. Why?”  
“Well, I get most of his schemes now, but there’s one thing I can’t figure out, and I just thought you’d be the best one to ask.”  
Virgil chuckles. “Just one thing huh?” he teased.  
Roman rolled his eyes good naturedly, knowing Virgil didn’t really think he was slow witted.  
In truth they were all just as intelligent as Thomas and their boy was a smart cookie. Most of them were just easily distracted. Well all of them except for Logan and Janus.  
“Shut up scarecrow,” he huffed in mock annoyance. “Seriously though. Why did he impersonate Logan again? Wouldn’t it make more sense to assume a new role? One he was more familiar with? I mean, if ‘you’ had popped up and gone into a panicked rant about Thomas’ own wellbeing conflicting with Patton’s stance on good or bad. Maybe even throwing in a dramatic realization that you are ‘still bad’ for thinking like that… It probably would have been even more effective than ‘Logan’ laying down the law.”  
Roman bit his lip at the thought of how that would have broken Patton, the very thought of hurting Virgil like that, especially since their relationship had been a bit rocky as of late. How it would have affected him and Thomas to see Virgil panic. To see how much this whole thing was truly bothering both the edge lord and Thomas himself laid bare before them. Even when Janus revealed himself later, the thought of Virgil truly feeling like that would have been planted. Roman would probably have hurried to Virgil’s room by choice before even confronting Janus to make sure Virgil wasn’t crumbling under the pressure.   
“I don’t know if it’d be the bombshell you think it is,” Virgil shrugged. Roman wanted to object to that, but he could tell that Virgil was considering his question and gave him time to sort through his thoughts.  
“I don’t know for sure. Part of me wants to believe it’s for my sake? Out of respect for what’s left of our friendship. Maybe out of hope that there is still something to be salvaged?” he explained, looking off into the distance thoughtfully.   
“Maybe he just didn’t want to risk pissing me off. He knows what I get like when I’m really mad,” he shrugged dismissively as he got out of bed and stretched himself out.  
Roman followed his example and let the silence linger for a moment.  
“What if he does though? What if he tries to talk to you wearing my face? Or to get my guard down by wearing yours?” he whispered. He didn’t want to have to wonder about who he’s really talking to for the rest of his life.  
Virgil frowned at that for a minute. “How about a signal? To show we are really ourselves or that we need help? That way I can let you know when I’m feeling overwhelmed and you can use it when something someone said is hurting you without having to get everyone all over us,” he suggested.  
Roman nodded eagerly. Not just happy with the assurance that he’d always be able to spot Janus’ games from now on, but also because the idea of being able to get Virgil’s aid when keeping up a strong face got too hard felt infinitely reassuring.  
“That sounds excellent… How about we use our witty banter to our advantage?”  
Virgil nodded in agreement. “When you want to check if I’m me or if I think Janus is in the room at all, make a reference to MCR song titles or band members. When you need my help…”  
Roman already had an idea for that. “I’ll call you by a title. ‘Sir Surley Jackson’, ‘lord of the sighs’, that kind of stuff. How do I know it’s you?”  
Virgil grinned mischievously. “I’ll reply with a MCR lyric reference.”  
Roman gasped in pretend shock as he dramatically laid a hand over his heart. “So this was all a ploy to get me to listen to your Emo music was it?” he demands in an accusatory tone, but the slight smirk on his lips proves that he is indeed not serious.  
“You know it. If I suspect someone is being impersonated I’ll direct the reference to the possible fake. If the coast is clear entirely I’ll direct it at you.”  
Roman nodded. It was a rather ingenious system. No one would question why Virgil tried to direct attention away from himself at any given moment. And if Roman ‘took the bait’ and shot out jests at the person in question to trip them up it wouldn’t alarm anyone either.  
“Alright. How about when you feel overwhelmed you reference a color. Any color.” He didn’t think it would be wise to ask Virgil to get very creative at times like these. He could easily make a jab at his ‘pitch black soul’ or something along those lines even when thinking started to get harder.  
“Sounds good… If I ever doubt you are you, I’ll reference a Disney villain,” he suggested.  
“And I’ll shoot back with a reference to one of the songs from the movie in question!” Roman beamed, feeling confident in the system. It was both simple and subtle. The other’s wouldn’t catch on any time soon. “Oh, and if you spot Janus while I’m unaware, just refer to my ego at the first opportunity,” Roman suggested. He was usually the slowest on these things. His fanciful thoughts rarely allowing him to truly remain in the present.  
“Okay,” Virgil nodded. He patted Roman’s shoulder. “We’ll keep him safe Ro, together,” he assured him before putting his hand back in his lap.  
“I know we will…” Roman smiled. Struck once again with how much their dynamic had changed over the years he sighs deeply. There is one last thing he needs to say to move forward. To continue with nothing but honesty between them.  
“Virgil… About the way I treated you back when…” he started, but Virgil put up a hand.  
“Water under the bridge. I wasn’t the nicest person either. We’ve both moved well past this,” the dark clad side shrugged as he prepared to pop over to his room to freshen up before he had to face the others.  
He was stopped however by a hand grabbing the back of his shirt.  
“No, I’m not going to apologize… I mean, I am sorry, but I know that just saying that doesn’t mean a thing…” Roman caught himself spiraling off topic and redirected his focus.  
Meanwhile Virgil had turned back towards him and was looking at him with curious eyes.  
Roman hadn’t been prepared for how frightening it would be to have Virgil look at him like that. No edgy make up to mask his true emotions… it nearly made Roman back off. But he couldn’t.  
His actions moving forward would be the only way he could earn forgiveness, regardless of whether he’d already received it or not, and he wasn’t going to back out of any step forward they could take.  
“But I wanted to tell you… I blamed myself, back then. I blamed myself for you running away and hating me and not wanting to be around us anymore and taking it out on Thomas…”  
He gave Virgil a reassuring smile when he saw the younger side tense at that last part.  
“I know that you didn’t actually intend any harm, but at the time, that’s what the whole title change and everything looked like to me.  
What I wanted to do was talk to you, apologize and get you to come back. But I was scared.  
I was scared you’d reject me, I was scared to hear you say that it really was all my fault…  
It was easier to pretend you were the bad guy. That I didn’t care about you… Just like…” he took a deep breath. This was hard to say, but he had to. He cast his eyes downwards as his shame over his actions slowly overwhelmed him with guilt.  
“Just like how I pretend I never cared much for Remus rather than missing him because, until now, there was no way he would be allowed back to our side of the conscious.  
Thomas wanted to forget him, so I had to want that too. Thomas didn’t like feeling scared or anxious, so I had to defend him from your influence. I didn’t hate you, never that. But it was easier to think of you as my opponent than to miss the friend I failed to protect.”  
It was quite for a few moments. “Ro… I was just as afraid. I wanted to be friends again for ages too, but I was afraid things could never go back to how they were. Or that they would and I’d be unable to protect Thomas right out of fear to mess up again. And I know that Remus missed you too. And he is just as guilty of not reaching out as you are. We all are. Let’s just not make that mistake again alright?”  
Roman lit up at that. “You’d be okay with it if I asked Remus to come live upstairs again?”  
he asked hopefully.  
Virgil straightened himself and nodded firmly. It’s the most confident Roman has ever seen him about anything. It was almost a bit defiant, of who he wasn’t sure.  
“It’s time to get rid of closed doors,” Virgil stated.  
That gave Roman pause. “But… Won’t He come up then too?” he whispered as if speaking too loud would evoke the ire of the He in question.  
Virgil scoffed. “I doubt it. Not unless he feels he is strong enough to take us all in a fight. And Thomas is nowhere near the point where that is an issue,” Virgil shrugged dismissively. And if Virgil wasn’t worried, then Roman knew things would be alright. At least for the foreseeable future.  
“Alright I’m off… I’ll walk you to breakfast?” Virgil suggested carefully, his whole self assured demeanor falling away and returning him to more of his normal self. Though he was still more vulnerable than usual. Clearly he was still worried for Roman’s mental state or something.  
The offer made a weight fall of off Roman’s shoulders he didn’t even know was there in the first place.  
“Okay. I’ll get ready too then,” he nodded as he walked Virgil to the door. Virgil would most likely just teleport to his room, but it was the principle of the gesture. He was not going to be a poor host.  
Virgil gave him a nod and a two fingered salute before disappearing straight to his room.  
Roman sighed and then headed to the shower to get ready for the day.


	5. Together Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six sides all together in one room for the first time ever! This should be fun.

Janus took a deep breath as he smoothed out the fabric of his outfit one more time.  
Today was the day. Everything depended on this. His position among the ‘upstairs’ sides, Thomas’ mental wellbeing, his friendship with Virgil, Remus’ chances of maybe being invited up in the future.  
Not stressful at all.  
He bit his lip as he turned towards his full length mirror. Almost immediately his own reflection shifted to show Virgil instead. Janus held his breath as he awaited what he’d see this morning.  
Virgil had his hands shoved into his pockets and his hood up. His head was bent down so it was hard to see his face. It was hard to read if he was looking away in anger or because he was working himself up for something else.  
“Look,” the reflection spoke in a perfect imitation of Virgil’s tone when he felt awkward about showing his true feelings.  
So he’d start the day with the most beautiful and cruel lies ever invented. Hope.  
That _wouldn’t_ come to bite him later. Still, it could have been worse. He likely wouldn’t be able to bring himself to leave the room if he’d already had to deal with Virgil an Roman yelling at him once.  
He wouldn’t want to face their anger, justified or not, twice in such a short time.  
“I… miss you guys okay? And I’m still pissed at you for upsetting Ro! So don’t go thinking I’m letting you off the hook alright!? But… I want to try and get back to old times?” Mirror Virgil looked up both defiant and shy somehow. As if he was daring him to have a sassy come back, expecting him to say something to hurt him, but also hoping that he felt the same.  
“Of course, that’s all I want,” Janus smiled shakily, but then he stepped back and shook his head, waving the image away to return his own reflection to the surface.  
“Don’t be ridiculous. Things will never be exactly, like back then. And that’s good. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. For Thomas. For Virgil. For Remus… And for yourself.”  
He nodded to himself and put on his hat. He picked up his gloves and after a moment’s hesitation he put them on before rising up in the kitchen.  
“S’up?”  
Janus looked over at the kitchen island surprised to find a figure leaning against it, sipping from a Starbucks to-go cup.  
Janus would probably have offered him more of a reply than a half-raised hand and a confused look if he hadn’t been distracted by the ridiculous spread of food.  
“Uh, hey Jan,” Patton greeted kind of tense from his spot at the counter where he was rearranging an assortment of fruit. “Is it alright if I call you Jan? Too informal right? Anyway want something in particular? I think I thought of everything. I just wanted to make sure everyone had something they liked to start the day off right…”  
“Patton stop!” Janus exclaimed before the heart could spiral any further.  
Patton snapped his mouth shut and pulled on the hem of his shirt nervously.  
“Jan is absolutely _not_ fine with me,” he stated decidedly, stressing the lie so Patton knew what he truly meant. Seriously he didn’t care that much (also a lie, it meant the world to him that Patton cared about being on friendly terms and moving at a pace he was comfortable with). Then he once again looked at the available food. Virgil wouldn’t find a spot on the kitchen counter as every inch was taken up by delicious-looking breakfast food.  
There was of course the ordinary sandwiches, toast and jams (crofter’s obviously) and cereal options in every variety Thomas had ever tasted. Then there were muffins, pancakes, French toast, boiled eggs, omelets, fruit salad, yoghurt, and every type of pastry Janus could recall. Then to drink there were all kinds of fresh juices, fresh coffee and hot water with a variety of tea to pick from and of course hot chocolate.  
This must be what the breakfast table at Hogwarts looked like.  
“Patton how long…?”  
“Oh not long babe. He got started when I came down and I’m still only a quarter way through my first Starbees.” This statement was underlined with a long slurp from the ‘Starbees’ in question.  
Patton nodded with a sheepish grin. “I might not be as good at summoning as Roman, but I had a little extra energy to spend today,” he explained. “But don’t worry, it’s all made with love,” he assures him as he takes out a plate for him.  
“What would you like?”  
“Anything but the French toast. It looks horrible. I don’t appreciate your effort at all,” Janus drawled sarcastically.  
Patton giggled and served Janus the requested slices of baked bread, the smell of cinnamon filling Janus’ nostrils as the plate was handed to him.  
“Thank you,” Janus said sincerely as he sat down at a fairly new looking chair compared to the others at the head of the table.  
He was just about to dig in when he heard someone else enter.  
“S’up pops!” Janus dropped the cutlery in surprise. Virgil. Should he get up? Say hello? Let them have breakfast first?  
“Hi Padre.” And that made him flinch. Roman should not sound so demure about greeting anyone.  
Maybe allowing them to ignore his presence until they approached him first was a good idea.  
“If it isn’t my favorite dynamic duo! How’s it going darlings?” Janus looked up to see the two newly arrived sides turn their attention to the coffee addict among them.  
“Remy, is that really you?” Virgil’s tone was playful. Janus could see his fond grin and the complicated handshake he shared with the embodiment of sleep.  
“I know, I’m impossibly fabulous. Too amazing to be real, but it is true, I am here in all my glory.”  
Roman snorts. “More like we almost forgot you even existed. You never come over,” he winks as he gives the other a quick hug.  
“Well with all that drama going on yesterday? I just had to come over and see if it would get fun around here today as well you know?” That was Remy for ‘I am here to make sure none of you ends up taking the permanent nap’. The looks Virgil and Roman sent him must’ve been unamused because he threw his hands up in defense. “I know, I know,” Remy sighed. “I shouldn’t let you guys starve for my glorious presence until things get dicey,” he admitted. The slightly more serious tone disappearing with his next sentence. “But I am never far away. You both had me going hard on you last night, didn’t you boys? V I don’t get you often but when I do you are relentless aren’t you cutie?”  
Remy’s voice was dripping with his trademark innuendo and Virgil and Roman both groaned in annoyance.  
“You are worse than Remus sometimes,” Roman complains to which Remy let out an offended gasp.  
“Excuse you? I have class! Nothing against your brother, Roman, but he wouldn’t know fashion if it spat on his greasy shoes,” Remy objected.  
“Speaking off, where is that trash man?” Virgil wondered as he looked around slightly on guard but not tense. As if it was old times and Virgil arrived in the kitchen ready for Remus to pull a prank.  
“Didn’t you invite him up with you?” Roman’s tone had a little more bite to it than Virgil’s, probably because Virgil hadn’t been addressing Janus directly.  
“We, ah, we didn’t exactly discuss Remus yet…” Patton offered carefully.  
“We never discussed Him either. But here he is as if he’s been part of this for years. I’m not leaving my brother down there to fend for himself Patton. I don’t need your input to know that that would be wrong.”  
Patton flinched back at Roman’s sharp tone as he marched off, watched closely by the hooded side.  
“He’s still mad at me isn’t he?” Patton asked helplessly.  
Virgil shrugged, not taking his eyes off the place where Roman had left his sight.  
“He’s… still sorting through his feelings I think. But he’s right. It would be wrong to leave Remus down there now that Janus is here.”  
As he says his name, Virgil’s eyes flicker over to Janus for a moment. The serpentine side doesn’t get a chance to read his expression before the younger side looks away. Back at where Roman walked off. Suddenly they heard the royal’s booming voice echo trough the mind palace.  
“Remus! Breakfast’s ready! Come up here you dingus or waaaah!”  
Virgil was gone from his spot at the refrigerator in a second and Remy chuckled at the action. “Always so high strung that one,” he grinned as he followed after their protector. Janus followed suit and found Remus grinning down at Roman who’d been tackled by his brother. Virgil was standing a few steps away assessing the situation before deciding that Roman wasn’t in any real danger at the moment and relaxing with an amused smirk.  
“Ro! Do you mean it!?” Remus screeched making Roman flinch from the volume.  
“I’m starting to regret it, but yes. Please join us for breakfast,” he repeated before pushing Remus off of him and dusting himself off. Remus laid on the floor for a moment before shooting to a sitting position, his crazed grin wider and more genuine than Janus had seen it in ages.  
“What does daddy say?”  
Virgil, Roman and Janus collectively shuddered at Remus’ tone when he said that.  
“And you were complaining about me,” Remy scoffed.  
“Patton is going to have to deal. And you aren’t going to make it harder on him,” Virgil stated firmly, planting himself next to Roman, clearly unwilling to budge on the topic.  
“Oh?” Remus asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Why’s that?”  
“Because. While I get that you won’t be able to help bringing up some thoughts, I ask you that you treat my friends with a minimum of civility, please,” Roman requested humbly, surprising both newly tolerated dark sides.  
“And because, if you behave and don’t bother Thomas too much so he can relax the next few days, I’ll do the thing,” Virgil added a little reluctantly.  
Remus jumped up at that and got in Virgil’s face with incredulous screeching.  
“Really? On purpose?” he asked eagerly.  
“Thing?” Roman wondered as he gently nudged Remus out of Virgil’s personal space.  
“You’ll see. We’ll need to get into the imagination, deep into the imagination if we don’t want to bother Thomas too much,” Virgil explained.  
“He means it,” Remus whispered in disbelief, looking at Janus with wide, excited eyes.  
“Seriously, no need to make a big deal out of it,” Virgil complained. But it was a big deal. Even when Virgil lived with them downstairs Remus had to push him all day if he wanted to ‘play’.  
And now he was volunteering to go out at the end of the day.  
“Greetings,” Logan called as he arrived in the commons.  
“Logie! Darling! Have the dreams been good little angels to you?” Remy called out in delight.  
“Hello Remy. Yes it was quite a fascinating night. Well worth the lack of rest. Thomas is awake however so…”  
“V?” Remus suddenly uttered worriedly.  
Janus felt his blood run cold as he took in Virgil’s state. His eyes were glassy and it looked like he was only standing upright because of Roman’s steadying hands on his shoulder and back.  
Speaking of the prince, he didn’t look nearly alarmed enough.  
“Guess Thomas is not that awake after all,” The prince chuckled as he guided Virgil past Janus, who jumped to the side as soon as they approached, to the kitchen. Logan and Remy following right behind them. “Patton! Code satellite!” Logan called ahead.  
Remus and Janus looked at each other. Was this something new? Judging from the reactions of the others it was something they were familiar with at least.  
The two newly accepted sides followed the rest into the kitchen where they arrived just in time to see Logan pull back a chair, Roman guide Virgil towards it to sit him down and Patton collect a plate and place it in front of Virgil.  
During all of this, the youngest among them was virtually unresponsive.  
Roman sat himself across from Virgil, Logan took the empty seat to the prince’s left, leaving the empty chair to Virgil’s right open for Patton.  
Roman looked around with a frown before summoning an extra chair to the spot between him and Virgil.  
Then the lights proceeded to fill up their plates in silence. It was Patton who realized Remus and Janus had yet to join them.  
He looked up and smiled encouragingly, waving them over, but not before signaling for them to be quiet.  
They were careful to head this warning, neither willing to upset Virgil of the sake of their curiosity.  
Roman handed Remus a plate when he sat down. Remus was about to protest, but then he noticed that his brother had been careful to pick out the least appetizing looking food. A banana that was a little too brown, a cupcake that looked weird, those kind of things. It wasn’t his usual breakfast, but it was his brother trying to meet his needs as best as he could without being rude to Patton who’d tried his best. Remus could be a good boy and eat his breakfast; He shot Roman a smile and dug in.  
A few minutes passed and Virgil’s vacant expression and lack of movement was getting to Remus.  
He nudged his elbow against Roman’s, making his twin look up from his pancake artwork.  
“What’s he doing?” he asked with a nod towards Virgil.  
“Thomas is half awake. Virgil is mapping out the safest route through his morning routine. He shuts down like this so he won’t get distracted, or freak out and give Thomas a hard time,” Roman explained.  
Remy took a loud sip from his coffee. “Not my fault I’m too good to quit,” he joked, though his eyes were trained on Virgil’s form, a little guilty for being the reason for his state.  
“No one blames you caffeinated compadre,” Roman assures their sassy friend, before continuing his tale.  
“We didn’t find out until a year ago. We had a movie night and fell asleep on the couch. When we woke up, Virgil was like this, and… it wasn’t a good idea to snap him out of it. Thomas bumped into the kitchen island and spilled his cornflakes. He snapped at us to let him worked and we didn’t dare to even touch him until he woke up on his own.,” Roman recalled with a sigh.  
Patton loaded another pancake on his plate as he added his two cents. “When he woke up he explained that he normally stayed upstairs until Thomas was ‘a functional human being’. So we made a system so he wouldn’t have to worry about getting to his room on time on family nights and could come down for breakfast when he wanted. Roman guides him to a safe place, Logan clears the route ad I make sure he’s comfortable and taken care of when he wakes up!” he declares cheerfully.  
“We call it code satellite,” Logan continues, “Because, in these moments, Virgil functions much like a GPS. He plans out a route for Thomas who can deviate from it due to any number of impulses, to which he recalibrates his instructions. In the meantime, he is much like the satellites GPS devices use to determine their position. Stuck on a course outside forces decide for them.”  
Remus and Janus exchange a look. They hadn’t known any of that. It stung a little. Apparently, they hadn’t known Virgil as well as they thought they did. What else had he managed to hide from them but revealed to the others?  
“Incoming Emo alert,” Remy suddenly announced. And just like that Virgil blinked a few times, looked around himself before focusing on the loaded plate in front of him.  
“Looks amazing Pat. Thanks,” he grins as he digs in.  
And this is the signal for conversation to start again.  
Patton chatters on happily about the dream room, Logan piping up every now and then to add his observations. Roman chuckled along and Virgil rolled his eyes fondly.  
“Ugh, if you’re going to be all domestic then I’m off to take a nap darlings! See you later babes!”  
“Don’t be a stranger this time alright!?” Virgil insisted. Remy gave a vague gesture in acknowledgment and sank out.  
Unsurprisingly, Remus was all too eager to take the opportunity to initiate a conversation now that Remy had already interrupted Patton and Logan. He really was on his best behavior though. Normally he’d just talk over someone if he wanted to say something.  
“Soooo… family nights?” he asked looking at Virgil expectantly.  
The Evanescence fan chuckled as he cut up his eggs and bacon. “Join at your own risk,” he warned jokingly. “Logan gets scarily intense over board games. And you are never prepared for Patton playing charades. Video game night is intense across the board. Movie night is alright once Princey stops complaining about the movie choices of whoever’s turn it is to pick.”  
Roman pouted at that while the others hid their fond smiles and chuckles.  
“At least he’s up next so your first movie night should be somewhat peaceful,” Virgil concluded with a teasing grin to the prince. Roman cleared his throat and put down his cutlery before turning to his brother.  
“Actually I was thinking you might want to help me pick. We always get to pick four movies and I figured…”  
“Oh, no! Ro it’s sweet really. But we had movie nights every Friday, so you don’t have to feel obligated to give him a turn now right away. And before we do that we should put a limit on the amount of… Everything we are willing to put up with in one night. Seriously,” Virgil interrupted pleadingly.  
Remus giggled. “Virge is right Ro. Stop trying so hard. Soon I’ll start worrying I permanently scrambled your brains with that hit after all.”  
Virgil and Remus chuckled and Roman relaxed. He should remember that he has nothing to prove to his brother. Brothers fight, but they’re still brothers.  
“So,” Virgil started as he made himself a cup of tea. “What’s everyone planning for today?”  
“I was planning on spending the day in the gardens with a good book. It’s been a while since I read something for entertainment rather than research purposes,” Logan mused.  
“Sounds wonderful Logan!” Patton exclaimed happily.  
“The gardens have had a slight drizzle earlier this morning so the conditions should be ideal,” Roman informed Logan, receiving a swift kick under the table. Roman looked up confused. Virgil just gave him a look that he took to mean ‘day off remember, stop trying to please everyone.’  
He smirked and instead focused on his own plans for the day. “As for me I was hoping to have you two join me at the castle after breakfast,” Roman stated gesturing between Virgil and Remus with his fork. “It’s been ages since we were all together like this and I know the kingdom will be elated to have the Duke and the Captain return,” he explained.  
“Wait… Captain? You’re not talking about me right?” Virgil asked a little tense.  
Roman and Remus exchanged a glance and then looked back at Virgil.  
“I know it’s been a long time, but you were named captain of the royal life guard by us both. Doesn’t get more official than that…” Remus grinned as he leaned back in his chair and pointedly put his feet on the table, raising a brow at Patton in challenge. Testing to see how far he could push the fatherly side, he didn’t quite buy his whole ‘I love all my kids equally all of a sudden’ thing just yet.  
Sadly his brother and Virgil collectively shoved his feet of the table.  
“Well.” Roman corrected with a warning glare at his brother, a reminder that he’d promised to behave a little. “You never had a knighting ceremony and there are quite a few medals of valor and the like that are long overdue… But only when you are ready of course. Organizing Remus’ coronation will probably take precedence anyway so don’t worry about anyone expecting you to kneel in the throne room right away,” he assured the nervous side, not noticing the surprised look on Remus face. Coronation? His brother was really going with this ride or die strategy wasn’t he?  
“Won’t your current captain of the guard be mad that I come waltzing in and take his job?” Virgil insisted.  
“Well… Considering that officially speaking I am captain in your absence, no. When I’m not in the kingdom Sir Dante takes over most duties, but he is actually quite eager for your return. I think he hopes to impress you so please be kind.”  
Virgil was a bit taken aback by that. “Impress me? What do they think I’ve been doing all this time?”  
Why would any of Roman’s characters want to impress him? Last time he was in the imagination there’d been maybe six characters with a name. He thinks he remembers a Dante, but he was a little kid that thought he was sneaky when spying on them. Virgil had given him a bit of a scare once and a lectured about sneaking up on a royal guard. He’d been playing along with the twin’s game at the time. The kid had looked up at him with big scared eyes and hurried away. If that Dante and this Dante were one and the same he couldn’t imagine him wanting to see him, let alone impress him. Maybe he wanted to show that he was bigger and stronger now?  
“Well… You remember how after Remus disappeared we didn’t really… Spend time with the characters anymore?” Virgil nodded. Playing in the imagination just wasn’t the same. They felt guilty even going there, but they both needed breaks from Logan and Patton trying to lift their spirits.  
Remus became very quiet. Virgil had insisted Roman missed him, but… he’d never truly believed it. Surely Roman would learn to love being an only child in their kingdom. Had his moving out really hit that hard?  
“Well when you followed… I decided that the people needed me. It might be a fantasy world, but it was Thomas’ fantasy world and I was one chosen to guard it. Even if I wasn’t meant to do so by myself. I told the people that my brother was taken by a vile monster and that you had gone missing. Last seen leaving on a solo rescue mission to return happiness to the kingdom. I led quests to find you two that I knew would lead nowhere but made for awesome adventures and fleshed out more characters and villages and worlds,” Roman made a dismissive gesture with his hand.   
“You’ll see when we get there. Anyway when we accepted you back I told my closest advisors that you had finally returned, but that you needed time to recover from the Dragon witches realm.. Time doesn’t go the same in the fantasy realm as it does here so that was about a month ago. They are asking about when they should throw the feast. I’ve been trying to curb their enthusiasm, but I’m afraid it’s not in their character to let your return go by without at least a little fanfare.”  
Remus and Virgil were both taken aback by Roman’s story. Virgil though, seemed slightly mad.  
“That’s what all those stupid quests where about?” he demanded.  
Roman was at a loss for words. He hadn’t expected that response.  
“Um… Yes... Finding a way into the witch’s lands was the end goal of every quest that wasn’t initiated by a more imminent threat to the kingdom.”  
Virgil shook his head incredulously. “I really shouldn’t be surprised… How often do you have to go on those ‘the kingdom is in danger’ quests?”  
Roman shrugged. “Sometimes months go by with little more than a group of bandits eluding the guards and finding themselves crossing my path by coincidence.  
Sometimes I feel like I spent more time slaying monsters than I do doing anything else.  
I suspect it is tied to Thomas somehow, though I never found a pattern. I even asked Logan for help but it seems random. Perhaps it depends on what kind of adventure Thomas is in the mood for or something like that. Those things aren’t usually tied to anything else. Sometimes you want a complex fantasy with a misfit band of heroes, sometimes you want a brainless romance.”  
Virgil sighed. “Well if I’m supposed to be captain of the guard you better take me along next time or I’ll just follow after you and kick your butt.”  
Roman chuckled at that, though he had no doubt that Virgil was sincere in his threat.  
“And you better bring me! We haven’t gone at a monster together in ages!” Remus piped up.  
“Of course you’ll both come along. I don’t think I can show my face in the imagination without you two present anymore after finally reintroducing you,” Roman assures them both with a fond smile.  
“Oh! This is just amazing! I haven’t been to the imagination in ages!” Patton gushed, missing the way Roman flinched. The three former dark sides didn’t though. And Logan would have picked up on it too if he hadn’t been so focused on his toast with Crofters.  
Remus saw the conflict in his brother’s eyes and snorted. “Oh I get it! You wanna make sure I don’t corrupt poor little Virgin. So much for giving us a fair chance.”  
Patton’s eyes widened and he hurried to correct himself, not noticing the way Virgil kicked Remus under the table and gave him a warning look. Virgil understood the intention, but now was not the time to go after Patton like that.  
“No! No of course not! I just thought it would be fun to go…”  
Virgil cleared his throat, pulling Patton’s attention towards him.  
“Maybe next time Pat? I… It already sounds like it’s going to be a lot for me to take in and you tend to get a little intense. I want to get to know the place again at my own pace and if you’re going to be pulling me around to ten different things 'I just have to see,’… I know you wouldn’t do it on purpose but I don’t want you to overwork yourself either. Just… Take a break today? don’t worry about us. We’ve got each other’s back. Alright?”  
Patton looked slightly rejected throughout Virgil’s explanation but managed a smile when he realized his dark son was looking out for him. Maybe… maybe he could relax for a bit.  
Just sit back and watch a feel-good movie or two in the commons in a pillow fort with his favorite snack dressed in his cat onesie. That… Sounded so nice.  
“Okay kiddo… But… We should really talk tonight. Family dinner?”  
Virgil looked at the twins who both nodded their agreement. “Sounds great Pat.”  
Patton beamed at that and Janus relaxed at last. That could’ve gone so much worse.  
They cleaned up the kitchen as Thomas got his game started outside. He’d settled on KH. At least for right now.  
Just when they were ready and Logan summoned his books, about to bid the others a good day, they heard the doorbell ring causing everyone to freeze in surprise.  
“Who… is the delivery early?” Virgil wondered, trying his hardest not to jump to the worst thoughts that tended to pop into his head when something unexpected happened.  
“Must be. We’re not expecting anyone today…. Are we?” Roman asked as he looked over at Logan who’d know if they did.  
“Affirmative,” Logan offered calmly.  
They all waited with varying levels of anticipation and dread as Thomas calmly walked over to the door. When he opened it, Virgil immediately registered a potential threat.  
“Close it! Close it! Close it now!” he hissed in his tempest tongue causing Thomas to scream and shut the door in a panic. Only once the door was fully closed did Virgil register who was screaming in their doorway just now.  
“Wait… What are they doing here? Shouldn’t they be doing honeymoon stuff?” Virgil hissed displeased. He hated surprises.  
“Well we probably should open the door and ask them to find out,” Logan pointed out.  
“This is going to be embarrassing,” Roman sighed. Already bracing himself should the conversation go badly for Thomas’s pride.  
Everyone looked at Patton who nodded. In these situations, they always looked to him to make the big decisions. But, things were different now. Weren’t they?  
Roman seemed to recall that too and turned to Janus with a slightly smug smile.  
“Well why don’t you assist Patton in steering Thomas trough this conversation Janus? Take a bit of pressure off for our dear padre will you?”  
Janus sighed and nodded. This was what he wanted. He just hadn’t expected to be put on the spot quite so soon. Doing his work in plain view was an entirely new sensation to him. And he wasn’t sure if he liked it.  
They all chuckled at the playful banter Marrylee and Lee exchanged with Thomas, and Janus found himself thinking that maybe the others had a point when they thought they didn’t deserve being lied to. And then things got awkward and Janus fumbled to try and misdirect, cover-up… Gods Thomas was atrocious at this. He only barely managed to help Thomas redirect the conversation to the reason of this unexpected visit, still avoiding giving them a straight and honest answer.  
He was very aware of the fact that Virgil and Roman were shaking with laughter behind him.  
“Oh please. Don’t hold anything back for my sake,” Janus drawled as he turned to the duo, though he felt a little relieved that they weren’t pretending he wasn’t there. The two burst out in full-bellied laughter holding onto each other for balance.  
“Oh god! I’m atrocious at improv but I would’ve done better than that train wreck!” Roman exclaimed.  
“I can’t believe I was worried about _you_ corrupting Thomas. That… That was hilarious,” Virgil managed between gasps with mirth in his eyes. “And I thought I was bad with social interactions.”  
Janus let it all come over him. Seeing them both have fun was a bit of a relief even if it was at his expense. Patton on the other hand had had quite enough.  
“Alright, kiddo’s cut it out. Janus tried his best,” he stated with a gentle firmness.  
The two sides calmed down. Janus noticed that Roman was still avoiding direct eye contact with Patton. Virgil seemed aware of this too.  
“Come on Pat. You have to admit it’s a little funny. He went from an eloquent evil mastermind to… Whatever that was supposed to be in less than 24 hours.”  
Janus cleared his throat. Redirecting everyone’s full attention back to him, though Roman wasn’t quite looking at him either.  
“It’s alright Pat… I kind of deserved that… Virgil?” This was it. The moment of truth.  
Virgil tensed and narrowed his eyes. “What is it Jan?” he asked in a tone Janus knew meant he was preparing for an attack.  
Janus reached into his pocket and pulled out the fabric he’d fallen asleep with last night.  
“This belongs to you,” he stated simply. Virgil’s eyes widened, Janus thought he even saw them tear up a little.  
“Is that… Why?” he asked, still on edge.  
“I just thought you might want it back. Even if you don’t need it anymore. It is yours after all.”  
And Virgil was always very particular about who got to have his stuff and who couldn’t. And it probably had bothered him that this comfort blanket had been left behind that day.  
Virgil accepted the handkerchief-sized fabric and tucked it away.  
“Alright. Thanks, I guess,” he huffed his eyes still narrowed at Janus, waiting for a trick.  
It hurt. What about any of this was a trap? He hadn’t even asked for a conversation or a chance.  
“Don’t look at me like that!” He knew that lashing out wasn’t smart, but Virgil said it best himself: ‘When you care for someone, nothing hurts more than their scorn.’ And Janus just couldn’t handle this attitude from Virgil anymore.  
“Why can’t you accept that I’m trying my best here? Why do you want me to be evil so badly?”  
He knew that he’d said something immensely stupid right away. Everyone knew. They could tell from the way Virgil tensed, from how his eyes lit up with a neon purple shine for a moment.  
“Want?” He growled, his voice multiplying ominously. He took a deep breath to fight back his feral state. Then he looked back at Janus with cold unfeeling eyes. “If this was about what I want, Janus, then we’d all kiss and make up right now and leave the past far behind us. I’m not an idiot. I know I made mistakes as well and I’ll gladly own up to those. That’s what I want. Apologies and hugs and ‘I love you’s all around.  
But what’s most important right now is what’s best for Thomas. And I can’t focus on that if I’m distracted by what I want. Sound familiar? It should! You taught me that!”  
Janus took a step back and nodded. It was true. He had taught Virgil that it was more important to look after Thomas than to be liked by the others. He should’ve known that those words would bite him someday.  
Hope truly was a magnificent and terrible lie. Because, even when it was the truth, it wasn’t so simple as you made it out to be. His mirror had apparently reflected Virgil’s true feelings. He wanted those things. But he didn’t trust his own judgement when it came to Janus.  
“Ro, you still want to get to the imagination or what?” Virgil asked the prince as he started walking out of the kitchen. The twins hurried to catch up with Virgil.  
“Um, of course!” Roman announced, still a bit blown away by the passionate display from their guardian. “Do you want to… You know, dress for the occasion or…?” Roman sounded hopeful, excited, careful. Trying not to show how much he was hoping for a specific answer.  
“Why not? Let’s go nuts,” Virgil muttered casually as a door slammed shut.  
Janus sighed.  
“Well… I shall get going as well… Patton? What will you do?” Logan wondered.  
“I want to watch Thomas and his friends for a bit before making a decision Lo. Is it alright if I visit you with lunch? The others will probably have lunch at the castle if they eat at all, but we could have a nice little picnic?”  
Logan nodded. “Very well. Until then. Patton, Janus.”  
And with that Logan left to his own little paradise.  
“Mind if I join you?” Janus sighed feeling more than a little drained after all that.  
“Of course not!” Patton beamed as he offered his hand to Janus so they could rise up together, genuinely delighted.  
Ah, of course, Patton would thrive on the presence of others. He wasn’t very good at being all by himself. Janus suspected that under different circumstances, Virgil would be all over Patton right now. But because everyone was feeling pretty shi… Ahm… Bad.. He’d had to choose one to look after. And clearly Roman had been his choice. And that was a good thing. Janus wouldn’t trust the creative side to be left to deal with his thoughts alone right now.  
Come to think of it… Logan was the only one among them who truly preferred and benefited from alone time after a conflict.  
Interesting. Maybe next video they could talk about different ways to cope with difficult situations.  
Nope! Not thinking about that now. Vacation time.  
He took Patton’s hand and together they left the mindscape.


	6. Unexpected side effects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas does a wellness check on all his sides. When two of them fail to come when called, and none of the others, except Remus,seem to know what is going on, he takes another trip inside his mind.  
> What, or who, he finds there is more than a little surprising.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to know what shenanigans Roman, Remus and Virgil get up to in the imaginagion between last chapter and this one, check out the #askthetroubletrio on my tumblr @lovelivingmydreams.  
> See you there, and otherwise, have fun with this one.

"What’s up everybody!” Thomas greeted cheerfully, eager to start on this episode.  
It’d been a while and this was going to be just a quick update. Probably a ten minute video if they even got that far.  
“Guys, I want to thank you all for being so understanding about my break. Your support and even the stern reminders to take care of myself were so important to me. And because you’ve been asking:  
I feel pretty okay. And I’m not just saying that. I have been sleeping well, I feel motivated to get back in the saddle. And that’s a relief honestly… I was a little worried after…”  
Thomas couldn’t help but think back to the chaos of his last meeting with the sides. That definitely could’ve gone better.  
He shook himself out of those thoughts. No point dwelling on them. All he could do was move forward with what he had and make the best of it.  
“And on that note… just to be sure. Logan?” he called out as he turned to the staircase where his logical side rose up. He was holding a notebook and pencil in his hands and a dictionary under his arm. He looked up from his notes in surprise. Then his eyes settled on Thomas and he vanished the books and pen.  
“Oh, Thomas,” he greeted as he readjusted his tie, which sat looser around his neck than usual. “Apologies. I didn’t expect to be needed today. There was no video scheduled last time I checked,” Logan explained a little confused.  
Thomas nodded in understanding. It wasn’t planned exactly. He’d just suddenly felt like talking to the others and decided to record his side of the conversation should he be able to make it into an actual video with Joan later.  
“You’re right. But I thought, it would be a good idea to check in on you guys. You know, see if there’s any problems before it becomes a crisis?” he tried to explain.  
Logan nodded, but still looked confused. He glanced around at the rest of the room before looking back at Thomas. “And you came to me first?” he asked.  
Thomas flinched at that. Poor Logan. He didn’t say it, but clearly he still felt hurt about not being listened to.  
"Well..." Thomas hesitated as he looked for the words to explain his reasoning. It's true that he had rarely consciously chosen to turn to Logan first for advice. Today, however, it had felt right. But just saying something 'felt right' would mean little to nothing to Logan.  
"Getting an objective perspective first seemed like a good idea..." Thomas started nervously, but then stopped abruptly as he caught himself in his second-guessing.  
He shook his head firmly and shut his eyes to refocus. No. He wasn't going to start with this today.  
"It _is_ a good idea. It'll give me something to ground myself with if the others turn out to be overwhelming." He then turned his full attention to Logan, wanting to make the next part really stick. "You give me stability and direction when it all becomes too much. You are important to me. Even if I don't always show it, I am really glad to have you to make sense of everything when I don't even understand myself."  
Logan blinked a few times as he let that passionate outburst sink in for a minute. "I... That was... Thomas, thank you for saying that," he said gently, a warm smile on his face.  
"I'm sorry it took me so long to say out loud. I really mean it. The others can be very loud-intentionally or not- and I should've made more of an effort to give you your chance to speak."  
Logan knew that the others didn't always mean to ignore him, they'd often come to him and apologized afterwards and sometimes even during debates for their actions. But to hear Thomas acknowledge that his emotions, fears and passions could sometimes make it hard for logic to come through clearly, and if Thomas was truly intending to make an effort to let him be heard in the future, then that meant everything to him. But because he didn't know how to explain this to Thomas he moved on to the matter at hand.  
He cleared his throat, straightened his tie once more and adjusted his glasses before addressing his host again with a professional disposition.  
"Well, objectively speaking, the time off has done you a real benefit. You are on a better sleeping and eating schedule and while a few projects have been pushed back, you seem better equipped to take them on than before the break. On the whole, I'd say you are doing the best you have been in a long time in regards to your physical and mental health."  
Thomas was beaming when he heard that. "I thought so too, but it's still nice to hear it from you. By the way, what were you doing when I called you?" he asked curiously.  
"Oh, I was designing a crossword for the Sanders Sides puzzle book. In case you and Joan actually make one," Logan explained.  
Thomas' eyes widen in interest. "Really that is awesome!" he exclaimed eagerly. The fanders would definitely lose their minds.  
Logan nodded. "It is quite the interesting challenge to undertake I must say," he confirmed.  
"Well, in that case let's call the others so you can get back to that," Thomas suggested before turning to the window and calling for the parental side. "Patton?"  
Upon his summons not one but two sides showed up.  
"Oh, hey Janus," Thomas greeted, a little nervous. He wasn't used to the serpentine side yet and he was all too aware that Janus might have good intentions but his way wasn't always the right way.  
"Hello Thomas," Janus drawled a little apprehensive.  
"Any reason you came up with Pat? I would have called you up next." Thomas assured him. A small smile tugged at the human side of Jan's mouth when he sensed truth in that statement.  
Patton was the one who answered. "Janus was helping me pick out the best Patton Puns, misleading complements and tips for my text bubbles in the Sanders Sides puzzle book.  
As Patton spoke the puzzle book took a clear form in Thomas' mind. A collection of puzzles designed by each of his sides with little comics, and chibi figurines of them communicating directly with the fanders.  
The idea had come up during a live stream a while ago, but he and Joan never got around to it. That was clearly about to change.  
"That's amazing! I'm almost sorry I interrupted you all..." Once more Thomas stopped himself before he could second guess his decision. It'd be only a few more minutes and then they could all go back to their projects.  
"Anyway! How are you two doing? This whole thing was a big change for both of you." Well, for everyone really, but Thomas wasn't ready to acknowledge the two sides that might struggle with this change the most just yet. The mere memory of Princey's face when he sank out still broke his heart.  
That had been a difficult bit to reenact with Joan.  
Janus and Patton exchange a look before glancing over at Logan. The logical side studdied their host for a minute and then nodded at the two others, agreeing that there was something different about him. His tone, his demeanor... no one knew what or how, but the change was clearly there. It wasn’t a bad change, but still… Choosing to brush this aside as a consequence of proper self-care, Janus moved in to reassure Thomas. "We are getting along famously Thomas."  
Their charge gave the side of deception a doubtful once over before looking over at Patton who already squirmed under his gaze.  
"Pat?" he presses.  
Patton sighed deeply. He didn't want to worry Thomas, but he'd also promised to acknowledge it when he was feeling bad.  
"Well... It hasn't been easy exactly," he admits. "We're all still learning to get along and... well..." Patton took off his glasses to clean them and give himself a second to take a breath.  
"I belief Patton is referring to Roman and Virgil's... solid opinion on working with Janus," Logan suggested earning a grateful smile from Patton.  
"I feared as much," Thomas muttered.  
"Virgil hasn't exactly said he isn't okay with Janus sticking around," Patton clarified. "He's just..."  
"Not going to trust me anywhere near Roman any time soon," Janus huffed, still a little hurt by that.  
"And Roman doesn't really want to talk to either of us at the moment," Patton added gesturing between himself and Janus.  
"I haven't even seen either of them for days and I get that they need time, but i'm starting to worry!"  
It was clear that Patton was torn up about this.  
"Well, if it helps, I've been feeling quite creative lately. And I'm not more or less anxious than normal."  
Thomas gestured to his properly groomed and alert appearance to underline the last point.  
Patton nodded as Thomas spoke, still wringing his hands nervously. "Well at least they haven't ducked out... That's something," he muttered.  
Thomas frowned a little worried and then his face lit up as he got an idea.  
"Well, I gues we could push them just a little. I was going to call them up soon anyway. Who first?" Thomas asked.  
"Virgil," Janus blurted out, unable to maintain his composure. He'd tried everything he could think off to talk to Virgil since being allowed upstairs, and nothing had worked. This way Virgil would have to be in the same room as him for at least a little while.  
Logan shifted a little uncomfortable. The last time he'd seen Virgil and Roman the anxious side had still seemed guarded and protective of the fancyful prince. He wasn't sure if pushing them even a little was wise. At the very least they should get a warning.  
"Alright!" Thomas exclaimed as he turned towards the stairs. Do I speak up or not? Logan wondered, Thomas locked eyes with him for a brief second as if waiting for him to give him te okay and Logan did. Emotions weren't his strong point. Patton may be compromised in this aspect at the moment, but he'd still speak up if this was a bad idea right?  
Thomas nodded and continued with the dramatic introduction. "One anxious protective emo boy coming right up!"  
He took a deep breath and called out. "Hey Virgil! Everything seems fine up here. Want to tell me what we're forgetting about?"  
Everyone braced for Virgil's usual sudden appearance, but instead a little origami crane fluttered from the stairs into Logan's waiting hand.  
"Um... what's that?" Thomas asked confused as Logan opened the bird up and read.  
"Virgil is unavailable at the moment, but he wants me to let you all know that while he feels a bit tense about the delayed projects, getting reassurance from your friends and the fanders over the past week makes it more manageable."  
Thomas frowned confused. While it was nice to hear that Virgil was doing fine, for once, it wasn't like him to just... sit a discussion out when he was invited. Was he still hung up about the reveal that he used to be a 'dark side'?  
Well... if Virgil and Roman had been spending time together, maybe his inner prince knew how the youngest of his traits was doing. "Okay... Well, Roman? I'd like to talk with you about all those wonderful ideas you've been giving me!" No matter how upset Roman was, there was no way he'd resist the opportunity to gush about his project ideas. The she-ra themed cartoon therapy, the magical girl real or fake anime... but nothing happened.  
"Roman?" Logan called out. "We require your assistance, something is wrong with Virgil and you are the only one who can help!" The chance to be a hero should have worked even better, but still nothing happened.  
"Roman?!" Patton screeched distressed, yet it still did nothing.  
"This isn't funny anymore Roman," Janus scolded, though he too looked worried. "Come up and say your piece, yell if you must!" Nothing.  
Now everyone was calling for the two sides at once until finally.  
"Hi!" Everyone jumped and Patton and Thomas couldn't help their screams at Remus' unexpected appearance.  
Oddly enough, the darker creative side was covered in paint, both dark and bright, and he was wearing a flower crown of forget-me-nots and buttercups.  
"Um, hey Remus. How are you?" Thomas asked timidly. He'd planned to have all his other sides with him before calling for Remus.  
"Splendid! I haven't had this much fun in ages!" Remus gushed.  
"This 'fun', wouldn't have anything to do with why your brother and Virgil aren't responding would it?" Janus asked, dread already twisting in his stomach.  
Remus was oblivious to everyone's unease. "Oh it has everything to do with that!" he replied eagerly.  
"Remus!" Patton exclaimed appalled. "I thought you were getting along with them!"  
Remus cocked his head curiously, but the excited grin didn't falter for a second. "I am! All that playing around in the imagination has made us closer than ever! But not as close as them!" He giggled. "Talk about being joined at the hip."  
"Remus! What did you do!?" Logan demanded, fed up with the troubling implications of everything Remus said.  
Remus fell silent and looked around at their worried and shocked faces, confused for a moment.  
Then a lightbulb seemed to go off. "Oh!" he exclaimed as he burst out laughing. Clutching his stomach as he tried to speak. "You all think I glued their butts together!" He tries and fails to compose himself a few times but eventually tones his fit down to a few chuckles as he wipes the mirth from his eyes. "That would be hilarious but not nearly as fun as what they really did."  
The others waited for him to elaborate for a moment, when it seemed like he wouldn't Thomas stepped in. "And what did they do exactly?"  
Remus opened his mouth but then he giggled as his face lit up with excitement. He jumped up and down and clapped his hands eager for whatever he had thought off. "See for yourself! Think of winning an award, reading a nice comment, looking at fanart or cosplays." Everyone looked confused. "That's not how I get to Virgil's room," Thomas muttered a little reluctant to go with an idea Remus came up with, even if it seemed harmless.  
"Or Roman's," Patton added.  
"And definitely not yours," Janus scoffed.  
"Just do it already!" Remus whined impatiently.  
Thomas looked at Logan. "Virgil didn't duck out. No matter what's going on he'd stop us if this was a bad idea... Like how he tried to warn us off from going to Patton's last time. Right?"  
Logan nodded along with Thomas reasoning. Virgil would most definitely find a way to at least have his concerns be noted.  
"Do you feel anxious about following Remus' instructions?" Logan asked with a gesture to the Duke who was now impatiently tapping his foot, arms crossed across his chest.  
"Well yes, but not in a bad way. It feels like first day of class nerves I think. Just a general fear of the unknown. Not a 'I will definitely get murdered in this alley' kind of dread"  
"In that case I'd say go ahead."  
And with that rational incentive Thomas took a deep breath, closed his eyes and visualized the final bow after his premiere performance in into the woods, the celebratory squeals when his vine account started to get traction, when he got recognized by a stranger for the first time, when Sanders sides became a success. All those triumphs that gave him that same strange combination of adrenaline and peacefulness.  
As he focused his other sides sank down one by one until he too found himself...  
Well in his living room, but a very messy version of it. Everywhere around him were books, binders filled with sketches, and notebooks. But above all there were post it's everywhere in a literal rainbow of colors.  
And then there were the letters fluttering around folded in different shapes.  
Patton eagerly caught a fluttering heart and coed as he read. "Aw, you guys!" He gushed with a hand to his heart. "Listen to this! 'We appreciate everything you do to make us feel important. Just let us help you too pops. Pretty please?' That's so sweet!" Patton sighed as tears shimmered in his eyes. He didn't know how much he needed to have someone tell him this until the words were right in front of him.  
Logan, intrigued, caught one of the origami cranes flying around near his corner and couldn't help but smile as he read it. "We're impatient airheads sometimes. Thanks for putting up with all of us teach."  
Janus still remained skeptical of the fortune tellers that seemed to be trying to get his attention.  
Thomas was much more eager to catch and open one of his paper planes. "Every part of you has a (not so) secret goofy/soft/baby side to them. That means you are a wholesome little puff ball. Deal with it you Hufflepuff!" Those words were surprisingly comforting. It was true. Even Remus was accepted and loved by the Fanders the second he was introduced.  
He was okay. With all his flaws out in the open, the fans, his friends and family still loved and accepted him the way he is.  
"It's a bit aggressive, but sweet," he chuckled. Blunt was probably the best word to describe the overall tone of these notes.  
A wad of paper came out of nowhere and hit Remus in the face. "I take it back. That was aggressive," Thomas chuckled as Remus squealed and turned around the paper for all to see.  
"You stink! ;P <3"  
Finally Janus gave in to his own curiosity and snatched up the fortune teller.  
"Change isn't easy. You deserve credit for your effort. But trust is never easy to give. Please be patient."  
It was... a hard truth. One he swore he acknowledged but knowing that whoever wrote this saw his effort, appreciated it, and asked him for time to give what he was seeking to gain... it threw him off so bad and it still answered exactly 0 questions.  
"This is all very sweet and all," he snapped as he pretended to toss the paper over his shoulder, but performed some slight of hand to tuck it in his pocket for later. "But where..." suddenly he was stopped by a noise coming from upstairs. someone was moving around in the bedroom. They all looked up confused.  
"Re? Is that you?" It wasn't grand enough to be Roman and not 'done' enough to be Virgil. So who was it? Thomas looked at his sides but they seemed as clueless as him. Well, all except Remus. He was beaming.  
"The one and only cousin dearest," he singsonged.  
"Cousin?" Thomas mouthed looking at the others who once again had no idea what was going on.  
A good natured sigh drifted down the stairs followed by an affectionate chuckle.  
"What's going on up there? Did they need something?" The mystery voice asked almost absentmindedly.  
"Thomas wants to know how we're all doing!" Remus declared, anticipation clear on his face.  
"Shoot!" The voice exclaims. "That was supposed to be a reminder for later." They could hear hurried steps and things being knocked over until a figure appeared on the top of the stairs.  
"On a scale of one to 10 how worried are they?" The figure asked as he rushed down not stopping until he was at Virgil’s step, the one he sat on in that first video. Then he finally grabbed the banister, eyes locking on Remus' figure first, but then catching sight if the other visitors. "Oh, so 11," he chuckled awkwardly.  
Everyone started at the stranger in awe. Clearly the man was a side. But none of them had ever seen him before.  
His hair was longer and pulled back in a ponytail on top of his head though a single rebellious lock had escaped the hairband's hold. Magenta strands contrasted against the brown and matched the comfortable cotton shirt. Light blue denim overalls were covered with splashes of paint, the pockets filled with pencils and brushes and other craft supplies. Around this neck the man wore a flower chain made of wilted marigolds and daisies.  
Then suddenly the man looked down at his own appearance before looking at Remus with a playful pout. "Why didn't you warn me? I would have made myself presentable."  
The side snapped his fingers and disappeared for an instant only to reappear in between the stairs and Remus.  
He wore light blue jeans, and what on first glance appeared to be a gorgeous magenta vest that split at his waist and reached until just past his hips. But on closer inspection one could see that it actually was a sweater with a zipper in the front.  
The arts and crafts supplies were stored in a shoulder bag that looked like leather but wasn't. Over his heart the side wore an emblem that reminded of Roman's but was different. The outlines were stitched in silver instead of gold, the sunny sky held some rain clouds and a rainbow.  
The side gave Thomas a light bow. "The name is Alexander. It's a true honor to make all of your acquaintances. Forgive me the mess. I've been rather busy the last few days," he explained politely.  
"Um, hi. That's alright. Sorry for asking but... what are you exactly?" Thomas asked. It was all very confusing. All he'd wanted was to make sure Roman and Virgil were alright and now here he was meeting Alexander instead. And he seemed really nice, honestly, but this wasn't what he'd signed up for when he started filming.  
Alexander chuckled and gestured around. "You mean you have no idea?" he asked.  
"I'm really sorry kiddo, normally I'd love to welcome you to the famILY and play games all days, but we're missing two very important friends-" Patton probably intended to say more but Alexander interrupted him. "Roman and Virgil are fine," he promised as he looked over to Remus. "You told the nothing? Really?" He asked a little exasperated. Remus shrugged. "What would be fun about that?" he retorted.  
Alexander sighs and turns back towards Patton. "I'm sorry if he worried you. Your friends will be back soon." At that statement Alexander took in the room and sighed. "Still so much work," he muttered as he picked up a notebook and started scribbling away, muttering to himself as he did so.  
Trying to make sense of the situation the others inspected their corners.  
Logan found several textbooks surrounding him.  
"Sign language, Greek mythology, developmental psychology..." Logan reads from the spines of a few of them. "I was thinking about taking those classes," Thomas muttered surprised.  
Patton found piles of booklets filled with contact information of all Thomas' friends and family. Some had notes added to them urging Thomas to reach out to them. All of those had one thing in common. "I really miss them," Thomas sighed in realization when Patton showed him a few marked names.  
Janus found self-care notes. Some small things like tasks that couldn't be put off any longer and would take off a lot of pressure once completed. Then there were bigger ones like the all caps reminder to 'CALL A DAMN THERAPIST YOU MARTYR!'   
"Thomas! I've got some mushy stuff for you too!" Remus giggled as he tossed over some flyers. "Support local community theater, colab ideas, exciting outings to do with friends..." Thomas looked through the files. Some seemed like they screamed Roman, but the haunted house challenge with Joan seemed more up Remus' alley.  
Still, what did all of this say about who Alexander was to him?  
"Are you my ambitions?" Thomas asked unsure. That didn’t seem to fit quite right. Besides…  
"Isn't that Roman's thing."  
Alexander paused as he put the notebook away. "Well... not exactly. Roman is everything you hope and dream of. Your ideal self, your ideal life. I am more realistic. I know your limits as a human being. Your flaws and the flaws of the world we live in that prevent those ideals from becoming a reality. Roman wants you to be an honest man, because that's who you want to be. I know that that is impossible. Just to name one example."  
If any other side had called Thomas flawed and dishonest, even in those exact words it would have made Thomas want to curl up under a blanket and berate himself. But Alexander was so non judgmental about it.   
"You said you see limits... but isn't that Virgil's job? He is always telling us to lower our expectations," Patton piped up, still confused.  
Alexander giggled. "You're getting there," he grinned encouragingly.  
"None of this makes sense!" Logan snapped frustrated at the lack of clear answers.  
"I've been in contact with both Virgil and Roman as recent as 10 minutes ago! How can they be gone? And how can a brand new side appear without any of us noticing?"  
Alex flinched at Logan's outburst. Then he took the Logical side in with concerned eyes. "Are you alright? Do you need a minute to sig down?" He suggested. "You look really stressed." Logan bristled and shook his head. "I need answers!" he insisted.  
Alex nodded with a sigh. "Fair enough. I'm sorry if you feel like I deceived you. I probably should've realized you'd assume the notes came from Roman and Virgil. I've been a bit all over the place since I formed, as you can tell I'm sure. Still I should have thought to introduce myself properly sooner," a shiver went through Alex and his form glitched making everyone tense in alarm. For a moment the magenta became purple and Thomas could swear he saw a red sash blink in and out of existence.  
"What did you do to my kids!?" Patton demanded harshly clearly on his last nerve. Janus looked ready to fight someone as well. Logan was merely astonished as understanding dawned on both his and Thomas' faces.  
Alex threw up his hands defensively and glitched again. Remus took a protective stance. Summoning his Morningstar and facing Patton and Janus.  
"Leave my baby cousin alone! He's only a few days old!" he demanded.  
"It's alright Remus. I'm not tuning out just yet," he assured the chaotic side of creativity before addressing the others.  
"I'm what happens when doubts are lifted by hope, when dreams are grounded by reality.  
When anxiety and your inner prince are truly in synch. I am who will tell you when you can and cannot do something. When you should put in the extra effort and when you already have enough to deal with. When you should play it safe and when taking a chance is worth it even if you fail." Alexander took a deep breath and straightened his posture. "I am confidence. And I am moments away from falling apart at all times. So please, I know I wont last long, but try not to speed things up. As you can see," he made a gesture that caused the post it's to fly up and surround him in a kaleidoscope of ideas and reminders. "I still have to file all of this away for Virgil and Roman to sort through later." With that he starts to divide the pieces of paper in three boxes that appeared at his summons. Each labelled with a round sticker, one red, one purple and one magenta.  
Remus danced around his 'cousin' and grabbed at the green notes babbling excitedly. Alexander nodded along and replied patiently, occasionally scribbling something down and adding it to the boxes.  
"So... fusion is a thing?" Thomas asked astonished.  
"Evidently," Logan nodded. "Unprecedented, but possible."  
"But Thomas has been confident before right?" Patton frowned confused. "So why are we only meeting you now?"  
"Because until recently Thomas wasn't comfortable with the existence of his 'dark' aspects. Now that he is, I can take a somewhat stable form. When I'm not here Roman and Virgil can still allow for confidence to exist. Right now that collaboration is just a lot smoother."  
"But," Thomas started hesitantly, unsure if he's about to say something insensitive or not. When Alexander looks up at him with interest he pushes through.  
"Aren't you scared of when this passes?"  
Alex smiled at his host sadly. "Yes, and no.," he confessed to everyone's surprise. Such an answer wouldn't come easy to any of them, it would feel like weakness, like failure. And yet Alex stated it as simple fact.  
"I love existing and now that I met you all I'd love to spend time with you and just hang out. Figure out more about myself. But... I'm afraid I might never exist this long again, so I have to get as much work done as possible. That's why I didn't come to all of you the second I opened my eyes, that and I got sidetracked," he chuckled.  
"Why 'no'," Janus pressed, not sure what could be reassuring in the uncertain world Alexander lived in.  
"It's in my nature to accept what can't be changed. And I know Thomas is in good hands when I'm not here."  
He turned directly to Thomas then. "I am so proud of you Thomas."  
Strangely this didn't make Thomas feel awkward or flustered. All he felt was a soothing warmth blooming in his chest. He could see that the others were affected by this as well and Patton made a whining sound as he fought against his desire to run over and hug the fusion.  
"Ugh! Enough mushiness!" Remus exclaimed impatiently.  
"Let's get back to work cuz!" He whined.  
Alex chuckled. "Alright keep your hair on." He teased, to which Remus grinned and tore out a large chunk of hair without breaking eye contact with Alex. Thomas and Patton flinched at the sight. "Why!?" Thomas pleaded. The question was meant for Remus, but Alex answered as the Duke smoothed out his hair which was already back to normal. "You have to let him have fun his way every once in a while. Especially when he comes to your defense,"  
"Well what would your daddies say if they heard I didn't look out for you?" Remus shrugged as he and Alexander returned their attention to their work.  
"Wait... does this mean I'm a granddad?" Patton squealed. Janus had a similar thought but he still wasn't sure about where he stood with Virgil let alone with his sort of son.  
"Patton you're not really-" Thomas was interrupted by Logan.  
"Well technically Thomas, Patton and Virgil have as close of an approximation to a biological father son bond as any of us can have. They are as much father and son, as the twins are brothers."  
Thomas was clearly confused by this.  
Patton sighed and smiled sadly is he recalled the day that had marked the first big change in the mindscape since the appearance of the king.  
"It happened when Mr bubbles died. Suddenly I realized how scary and dangerous the world can be and... it became too much. I couldn't handle being your morality, feelings and looking out for everything that could go wrong. So... fear was born from me. Around middle school he moved in with Janus and changed his title to anxiety," Patton explained.  
"Even ignoring that, adoptive parents are still parents and grandparents. Even if things aren’t going great," Alexander pointed out cassually and Janus knew that that bit was mainly meant for him. And it made him feel a little better.  
Suddenly Alexander snapped his fingers and in his place stood Gavin.  
"Uncle Remus can I have a piggy back ride?" He singsonged jokingly. Remus laughed hysterically. "How can I say no to my favorite cousin?" he grinned as he picked the boy up and carried him around letting him grab at notes as they went. Laughing all the while.  
When Remus put him down he got that strangely serious expression. "In case this is my last shot. I'll miss you." Kid Alex smiled comfortingly.  
"My room is here even if I'm not. It's not exactly the same but until we meet again..."  
"That's not what he means!" Patton exclaims.  
"You are something wonderful and its unfair that we cant have you with us without sacrificing your dads. They'll never even get to meet you and see what an amazing person they made," he cries devastated.  
Alex smiled and opened his arms. "Want a hug Poppa Patton?"  
Patton nodded briskly. "Please!" And ran over, wrapping the little guy in his arms.  
"You tell them for me,” Gavin/Alex told Patton. “And bring them here every once in a while. You know how much those notes can mean, just... don’t overdo it okay? Everything has it's healthy and unhealthy doses, even good things."  
Patton nodded. They had all learned that the hard way several times already. After a few moments Alex shot Janus a questioning look over Patton's shoulder. Janus knew what was offered, but he couldn’t accept. While he would love to hug the fusion as well he didn't want to push Virgil’s boundaries like that. Not after last time. Alex seemed to understand this and nodded with an appreciative smile.  
Then he gently pushed Patton back. And when the heart returned to his spot Alex returned to his own form.  
He tucked away the last notes... the last notes...  
"Does this mean?" Janus asked.  
"It means that next time I destabilize... I wont fight it. Can... could we go back up? I want them to be somewhere familiar when it happens. I don't know how this will affect them, they'll need you all to be there for them."  
Everyone nodded solemnly and sank out.

Everyone except for Thomas.  
"I don't get it. I don't feel more or less confident that minutes ago... why...?"  
"Your anxiety over them is still there, meeting me hasn't addressed any issues you worried about before. And your passion is hard to contain. Which isn't bad. But there is still a lot to do before they'll be able to choose to be me and for me to choose to be them. And they need to be here too. I might be aware of limits but I can't be as vigilant as Virgil and I might have many suggestions, but I cant create like Roman. They are needed to do those tasks. And if they don't return soon you'll start to notice this too. I'll be fine Thomas. If you look after yourself this isn't the last time you see me."  
Thomas took a shaky breath and then opened his eyes in his real living room.  
"No!" "Wait!"  
These exclamations came from the two newly separated sides.  
"You, we, he, that was..." Roman and Virgil gasped simultaneously. Both at a loss for words after being one person for several days and suddenly being returned to just themselves.  
"Hey, you kiddos okay?" Patton asked gently, knowing it was a stupid question. But what else was he supposed to say?  
Roman curled in on himself and leaned against his brother for support who pretended not to notice. Virgil hid in his hoody and sat down on the stairs.  
"No..." the anxious man sighed  
"But... that is fine right? Alex... he thought it was alright not to be okay," Roman almost pleaded.  
"Of course it is," Thomas assured them both. "You've both been through a lot and I don’t just mean fusing. I suggest we take a break. Alright? I'll check in with the both of you later. When you feel ready... just show up. I'll listen to whatever you have to say," Thomas promised.  
"If I may... what was it like?" Logan asked, unable to help himself any longer. His almost childlike wonder eased the tension in the room.  
"I... one moment Roman and I are messing around with some ideas while dodging whatever Remus threw at us."  
"You were doing most of the dodging if we're honest," Roman offered fondly. "We were rambling about all kinds of things and suddenly a paint bomb hit us and we laughed and then we both said 'we're such a mess'," he recalled as he jabbed his brother in the side.  
"Next thing we know we're an I. It was..." Virgil can't find the right words. It was so much. It was everything he dreamed and feared all in one and it was so much better than anything he'd ever done. And he knew Roman felt similarly. He'd felt how badly Roman had wanted Alexander to stay for just another minute whenever they glitched.  
Suddenly a wishing star and an origami butterfly fell from the sky, a parting gift from Alex. The sides opened their messages curiously and smiled.  
They looked up at each other and nodded, confirming a shared thought.  
"It was amazing. I never felt so certain," they said as one.  
"Remus?" Roman smiled gently as he straightened himself. Whatever his note said had clearly reignited his inner spark.  
"Thank you for looking after him. You didn't allow him to go even a second without your support... we couldn't have wished for a better uncle for our boy," Roman stated fondly running wit Remus' claim on Alex as his nephew.  
"You can be so gross sometimes Ro," Remus huffed dismissively, but as he sank out he allowed a brief smile to grace his lips.  
"Logan," Virgil piped up as he turned to look at the teacher through the bars of the railing. "You might not have known what was going on, but you respected our need for space and passed along our notes the whole time. Thank you. And seriously don’t take him not confiding in you personally. He might be pretty cool but between me and Princey, his focus is pretty much none existent. There's probably a ton of 'ask Logan about this' notes he promptly forgot about."  
Logan nodded with a gentle smile. "That's quite alright Virgil," he assured them. "I eagerly await your notes. For now I'll collect my own findings and finish up my work." And with that Logan left for his room.  
"Virgil... Roman..." Patton started softly, only for the two sides to flinch.  
"I... I'm sorry. About how I reacted when we saw what Alex really was. He's such a wonderful person. I'm sorry I didn't get to hang out more... but I'm also glad to see you two as well. I get why Alex went to Logan. That's on me..."  
"Padre no," "it isn't what you think."  
Patton looked up confused at that.  
Roman and Virgil were having a silent conversation, Roman pleading, Virgil reassuring. Eventually, Roman nodded and turned away from the others studying the cuffs of his sleeves instead.  
Virgil sighed and spoke on their behalf.  
"Alex... was a little scared of how you would react to him. I cant deny that. But not for the reasons you think. He had no doubt he could win you over." Virgil couldn't help the fond smile at their fusion's determination to wow the others. "But... part of him felt like you'd be mad with us."  
"Oh kiddo,"  
"Not him Patton," Janus interrupted with a hand to Patton's shoulder and a gentle nod towards Roman's dejected posture.  
"Why... why would I be mad with either of you?" Patton asked confused. Roman flinched again and ducked away in shame.  
"He thinks you're disappointed in him, and fault him for me taking his side. Both of which are ridiculous, but I've ran out of ways to try and make him see that ages ago. He didn't feel ready to face you when Alexander came around and Alexander... well either Ro's doubt shone through to him or he didn't want to push Roman too hard. You know what with the whole might fall apart at a moment’s notice thing."  
Patton deflated as he listened to Virgil’s explanation. Then he turned to Roman with determination.  
"Now you listen here young man. Even if all of that was the case, I still love you kids with everything I am," he spoke with so much passion it was impossible for Roman not to look up.  
"You lashed out at Janus, but Janus could have handled that situation better as well. You both made mistakes, I made mistakes. But we can work through all of those together. As soon as you are ready. Okay?"  
Roman bit his lip as he fought back tears and nodded.  
"Okay. Dont push yourself understood? You can be mad with Janus and me for as long as you need. And you do have reason to be mad at me kiddo," Patton insisted when he saw both Virgil and Roman were about to object. "And forcing all of the anger meant for what I did onto Janus isn't fair to him, me, or yourselves. So be mad. Vent to each other, to Logan, Thomas... whatever it takes for you to let it all out. And then we can talk things out as a family later. How does that sound?"  
Roman and Virgil looked over at each other and after another silent exchange they nodded. "Okay," they both muttered. Patton gave them an appreciative smile as he too sank out.  
"Janus..." Virgil started, much to the shock of the recently accepted side.  
Thomas was simply beaming with pride at the youngest of his sides. Virgil might be an angsty boi, but sometimes he could be the most wholesome baby of them all and he could tell this was going to turn out to be one of those times.  
"Thank you, for not taking advantage of Alexander's... well everything that made him okay with you hugging him or whatever. I really appreciate that."  
"We," Roman muttered reluctantly, still not looking at Janus who was speechless.  
"We," Virgil nodded in agreement a proud smile towards his friend.  
Janus relaxed a little. Maybe, just this once, hope wasn't such a terrible lie to indulge in. Maybe this was one of those times when hope turned out to be close to the truth.  
He opened his mouth about to speak, but hesitated. He took of his right glove and showed his bare palm. "I'll give you both the time you need," he promised before sinking out.  
"So..." Thomas breathed, finally letting everything sink in and turning to Virgil.  
"Before you two go... as I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about now. You know that I don't care about whatever happened in the past right? What matters is who you are now. And now you are Virgil. My anxiety who's been trying so hard to cut me some slack. I have noticed you try to give the others more room to work Virge. And I am so proud of you."  
Virgil was at a loss for words.  
"Told you," Roman smiled carefully, still reeling from his most recent split.  
"And Roman," the prince stiffened as Thomas addressed him.  
"We'll figure this out together okay buddy? I... I'm sorry for all the pressure you must've been under. Hearing how Alex described you... it made me realize what kind of expectations you must've had for me. I thought those were addressed when we talked about being original, but clearly you still... you hurt yourself to try and make me happy. And I'm still glad you showed me that I'm not the self serving..." Thomas struggled to find an appropriate term for a second but couldn't think of anything that wouldn't make Patton pop back up to scold him. "Person, Janus, unintentionally, made me feel I was. Please don’t think that your sacrifice was in vain. If nothing else, it showed me how far you are willing to go for me. And I will make an effort not to take that for granted ever again."  
Roman stood there, at a loss for words. "Told you," Virgil grinned teasingly.  
Roman, chuckled, gave Thomas a brief bow in appreciation and then turned and smiled back at the cautious man he'd shared a never before explored bond with.  
"Well we should get a look at this new room. It seems there is quite a task ahead of us!" He announced. Virgil nodded and gave Thomas a salute.  
Thomas turned to the camera to give his outro, though he wasn't sure if he would try to film the whole thing.  
"Well that was a ride. I hope this helped you all to understand what it means to be truly confident. Now until next time, take it easy guys, galls and non-binary palls. Peace out."


	7. Flores' Facets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Nico Flores struggles to find inspiration, he and two of his facets decide to hit the mall.  
> Will the mysterious cute guy they spot there be their muse or a minor distraction?

Nico groaned in frustration and banged his head on the desk.  
There were piles of discarded notes around him. Why was this so hard?  
“Okay so change of medium didn’t help,” Félix relented. Nico could hear his creativity was getting frustrated as well, though he was trying to stay positive for his sake.  
“All it did was desecrate some poor tree’s memory,” Alejo pointed out in dismay.  
“I’ll recycle the paper,” Nico sighed. What to do?  
“It’s cramped in here. And too dark,” Alejo complained trying in vain to get comfortable on the windowsill since there was literally nowhere else for him to sit.  
He had a point. The window didn’t exactly let in a lot of light and the lightbulb wasn’t helping that much.  
“That’s it! A change of scenery! Brilliant idea!” Félix grinned at his opposite/partner in crime.  
“Hm… I don’t know about brilliant, but it’s okay,” the darker facet agreed.  
Nico nodded. Maybe he could go to the mall…  
“Who knows! The people passing by might yield inspiration!” Félix pointed out eagerly.  
“But we gotta focus. No side trips, no distractions. We get there, we get inspired, we write the song and we’re out. No shopping. This song has to be done by the end of the week or Diego is going to get mad at me for not keeping you two in check!”  
Alejo always turned just a bit darker and scarier when he drew a line in the sand.  
Félix put a hand on his heart and raised his other, palm facing Alejo.  
“I swear on my spectacular spectacles, my tense friend. No unneeded distractions.”

“By Aphrodite’s hairbrush!” Félix exclaimed, his star shaped frames shifting to hearts.  
“Nooo!”  
“Just look!”  
Nico had just sat down and looked up under ‘mild’ encouragement from his creativity, who also covered his hormones. Well his desire for romance and other… Well desires in general. Success, love, happiness. All that stuff.  
Right now his attention, and therefore Nico’s, was drawn by a handsome stranger ordering food at one of the shops in the food court.  
“Just look at him! He’s so cute!” Félix gushed. And Nico couldn’t disagree. He was very handsome.  
He also looked rather tired.  
“We don’t have time for this. Besides he doesn’t look in the mood to be bothered anyway,” Alejo argued, though Nico could hear a bit of doubt. The guy was really cute.  
“Maybe bothering him will get him in a better mood? Let’s take a chance, what do you say?”  
“We don’t even know if he’s gay!”  
Félix clapped in delight right as Alejo groaned at his accidental rhyme.  
“No distractions, you promised!” his inner edgelord insisted as the man sat himself down at a table and Nico went back to his blank screen.  
“But love!” Félix whined. “Can’t that be the only exception?”  
“Not when we have people waiting for a new song! Maybe if we get at least an idea down, then we can think of talking to the guy. If we can find a non-creepy reason to do so.”  
Félix groaned but relented his frames going back to star shaped.  
“Very well! Brainstorming time!”  
Nico wrote down at least a hundred beginnings of ideas already, but most seemed to be at least somewhat related to the cute guy sitting a few tables away.  
“Come on royal pain! You are killing me here!”  
“Maybe if I could just chance a glance at him? He might be our muse!” Félix pleaded.  
“That makes no sense.”  
Before the argument could escalate Nico’s food arrived.  
He was honestly relieved. He could put the laptop away for a bit and just let his thoughts go free for a moment. Hopefully not drifting towards…  
From the corner of his eye he could see the guy get up. Welp that didn’t take long.  
“He’s coming over!” Felix declared triumphantly.  
“You don’t know that! Don’t get Nico’s hopes up!”  
Nico tried to focus on his food, but it was impossible not to sneak a peek as the guy passed by. Oh, he did not mind that view either. “Look away before he sees!” Alejo hissed.  
“He looks so fine!”  
“He could still be a jerk. Or already dating someone. Or straight!”  
“Oh come on Misery Business. There is nothing straight about that guy. My gaydar is on point and he is 99% gay. And if he had a boyfriend, he would be here with him. Or he’d at least be in a better mood,” Félix argued.  
“One, you do not have me convinced gaydar is a real thing. Two, there are a ton of situations where he could have a boyfriend while also being here alone and in a bad mood. Having a relationship does not join you at the other person’s hip and it does not get rid of all the bad things in life.”  
Alejo had a point there…  
“And again, we should try to work on the song!” Another good point.  
“Please, my dearest Paramour. One more look.”  
Alejo sighed. “Fine! Just one.”  
And so Nico looked up and…  
“Oh god! Eye contact he caught you!”  
“He’s looking back! Maybe he wants you to be looking at him!?”  
“Is he looking at us? Maybe there is something behind us?”  
Nico looked back, he couldn’t see anything much of note. But when he looked back at the stranger he was no longer looking at him. It was like he never even really noticed him sitting there.  
“By the frozen head of Disney!” Félix exclaimed. He was clearly upset. He only made morbid Disney references when he got really down.  
Alejo sighed a little relieved, but put a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. “It’s fine. Let’s finish our meal and maybe we can come up with a song idea? Then after we can try and talk to him?”  
“Would you really?” Nico thought it was awesome that his creativity and his anxiety got along so well. They looked out for one another. And pulled pranks on him and his other facets. They were a terrifyingly efficient team.  
“Of course. Now what do you say?”  
Félix nodded. “Let’s focus.”  
And Nico got into the zone. The whole mall seemed to disappear around him except for the food in front of him. He knew he wanted to make something about mental health. He just didn’t know what aspect of it yet.  
Then suddenly he heard a loud crashing sound nearby.  
He looked up and could only just see a figure in an upturned trashcan.  
Poor soul.  
“Same,” Alejo smirked as he returned their attention to their work.  
But that… Was actually not a bad idea.  
“It’s a metaphor for life!” Félix gushed!  
“Like how not dealing with an issue head on can cause it to pile up and before you know it bam! Disaster.”  
“Are you trying to say something about…”  
“Order 96!? Anyone?” Nico’s head snapped to the food stand and then over to the table where the mystery guy had sat earlier.  
“Noooo!” Nico shared the musician’s sentiment. The handsome stranger was gone.  
“He left without his food?” Alejo frowned. Nico got up and approached the table, indeed, the number 96 was sitting there abandoned and forgotten. He’d missed his chance. Now he’d never know.  
“Would bringing him his food be an acceptable excuse to talk to him?” Félix asked desperately.  
“Um… Yeah, sure. That’s probably the only reason we can justify chasing him down,” Alejo nodded nervously.  
So Nico claimed the food and started walking around hoping to spot.  
“Adonis at 8 o’clock!”  
Nico’s head snapped in the direction Félix had pointed out and there he was, looking like the day had somehow gotten worse since Nico first noticed him.  
Should he…?  
Félix looked pleadingly at Alejo who sighed. “Well? Are you waiting for a written invitation or what?”  
At that Nico immediately ran up to the guy. “Uh, Hey!” he called out still not sure what he was going to say.  
When he came to a stop in front of him he realized that first and foremost he needed to catch his breath. It took him a second, but when he did he righted himself and gave the guy his best smile.  
“There you are,” he sighed in relief. “I was afraid you’d left.” And that would’ve blown.  
“You almost forgot your food…”  
“He’s even cuter up close,” Félix sighed dreamily.  
“He’s staring at us like we have two heads. This was a bad idea,” Alejo cringed.  
He was staring at him kind of funny. Come on something to talk about… He really whished the guy was wearing a bracelet or anything of note to start a conversation about other than a bag of boiled carrots. And his sad look from earlier.  
“Brilliant! Ask about that! Show how caring you are.”  
“Well… We don’t have anything better so…”  
“You looked really upset so I figured it might be some kind of comfort food or something. You mind kind of telling me about that?”  
Please?  
Nothing happened. Still staring strangely spooked at him. “Abort mission. I’m sorry Félix but this is not going to end well if we keep pushing!” Alejo rushed.  
“Oh, very well. Goodbye handsome stranger,” Félix allowed reluctantly.  
“It’s okay!” Nico rushed shoving the bag of food towards the stranger before he could do something to embarrass himself more. “Uh, it’s probably a bit too nosy for me to ask anyway.”  
“Uh… Yeah!” The stranger replied, god why did even his voice have to sound so pleasant? And that while he was clearly 100% uncomfortable talking to him.  
“Super nosy!! What’s wrong with you…man?” Nico would take offence, but he could see that the stranger was desperate to get out of the situation as fast as possible.  
“We made him feel worse,” Alejo sighed guiltily.  
“We didn’t mean to!” Félix argued.  
“Does the intention matter? Look at him?”  
“Ahhh, yeah… sorry about that. Have a good night.”  
And so Nico turned around and walked away a little disappointed.  
Neither Alejo nor Félix had much to say now, just allowing Nico to feel for a minute. And then he heard shoes squeaking and a voice behind him. “Uh…”  
He looked around. The stranger. “Did he change his mind?!” Félix squealed.  
“Maybe he just realized he was kind of rude and wanted to say sorry?” Alejo reasoned.  
“Hey,” he greeted the stranger expectantly. He still looked really tense.  
But now he was at least smiling. And it was a real cute smile.  
“Hey…” he waved before showing him the bag of carrots. “Do you want this food? I… don’t.”  
“What?” Félix and Alejo chorused confused and Nico couldn’t help but laugh.  
“Then why did you buy it?” he asked.  
The stranger looked away nervously and rubbed at the back of his head as he stammered trough his reply. Sending Félix into a squealing frenzy. The words cute and precious and all kinds of variations could be heard.  
“Oh y-…pah-uh…Well it’s probably… you know, maybe because I was trying to see your backpack…”  
Nico blinked confused as Alejo was trying to figure out what was so special about it. “Just ask him!” he eventually hissed as the uncertainty got to him.  
“Wh-uh, my backpack?”  
The stranger was still avoiding his eyes most of the time, a slight blush showing up on his cheeks.  
“Yeah… I-I wanted to see if you had any… pride pins…”  
Nico could only half follow the strangers explanation about not wanting to bother him because Félix was screaming and Alejo was screaming.  
“Gay! He’s so definitely gay!”  
“He wanted to know… He is interested!?”  
“Oh gods, oh gods, this is amazing! He is so wonderful and earnest and just look at him he’s so worried he’s being weird! Just aaaah!”  
“Which would’ve been amazing because I think you are really… cute.”  
And then everything went quiet. Cute… He thinks I am cute…  
“Don’t just stand there say something!”  
“Oh… my… gosh…”  
“Not that!”  
“You should’ve just said ‘hi’!”  
And the shy hopeful smile he got was just the most beautiful thing in existence.  
“Oh-oh yeah?”  
“Yeah, I had writers block anyway.”  
Alejo gave Félix a playful shove at that.  
“Oh! Uh… w-what were you trying to write? Uh, Misterrrr…?”  
“Shut up, stop being adorable, my heart cannot take it!” Félix gushed.  
Nico laughed. “Mr. Flores. Very formal of you! Uh… You can call me Nico if you’d like.”  
The man laughed back, still a little tense but much more at ease than earlier.  
“Mr. Sanders! But you can call me Thomas.”  
“Thomas,” Félix repeated with a sigh, clearly halfway a plan to write an entire song just around the name alone somehow.  
“To answer your question. I was attempting to write a song,” he explained as he led them both to the nearest table. He was planning on staying for quite a bit longer.  
“Oh! I like… songs.” Nico smiled a little to himself, he wasn’t looking at him but he could already discern the little mental ‘are you kidding me?’ Thomas was thinking to himself at that answer. Nico, or more specifically Félix, had a suspicion of what he meant.  
“He’s an artist too!!!” the master writer exclaimed.  
“We don’t know that,” Alejo insisted.  
“What’s yours about?”  
Ah if only he knew the answer to that. “Uh… I don’t know yet. I- I think I like the idea of someone’s life…” No not quite. “or an aspect of their life feeling like… a trash bin.” Thomas’ face at that wasn’t encouraging, but he wasn’t finished explaining yet so the idea wasn’t a complete loss yet.  
“And- and the waste keeps piling… and piling up… until it inevitably… spills out… into the rest of their life.” He smiled at Thomas expectantly, hoping he’d like the idea at least a little.  
His face became deadpan though and just as Nico started to worry…  
“You saw me knock over that trash can didn’t you?”  
Oh, my… “That was you!?”  
“We could’ve been his hero?” Félix whined.  
“He would not have liked us seeing him like that. Imagine if it were the other way around?”  
Félix shivered and nodded in understanding.  
As it was the realization that Nico didn’t have a clue until now, and he’d had outed himself as ‘the trash man’ was clearly embarrassing enough on it’s own.  
“OH- gosh… yes. Dang it!” he confessed as he hid his face behind his hands.  
“Are you okay?” Nico asked earnestly though he couldn’t keep the amusement out of his voice or face.  
Thomas was laughing as well. “Nothing but a bruised ego,” he assured him.  
Félix huffed. Nico knew that to him a bruised ego was a serious condition that should not be glossed over. But Nico kind of liked that Thomas was able to laugh at the situation already.  
“Sorry if my song explanation… uh, hit a little too close to home.”  
Thomas’s earnest smile melted his heart.  
“No, it’s fine. It’s true! I do tend to… waste a lot of opportunities in my life.”  
“Was that a pun?” Nico’s facets asked shocked.  
“Well,” he smiled as he took the bag of carrots. “Let’s not waste this one,” he suggested.

Nico’s head and heart were buzzing with excitement the whole rest of the day when he came home he threw himself on the couch.  
“AAAAAAAH!” Félix and Alejo screamed in jubilation.  
“An actor and a singer?” Félix gushed.  
“And he has good taste in music and in movies,” Alejo pointed out.  
“He did a tour with his own musical! His he even real?”  
“How was he so modest about it?”  
“Would it be okay to look him up?” the boisterous facet wondered, phone already in hand.  
“Well, he said it was fine if we did… but maybe not right away?” the usually restrained man was vibrating with a mix of happy and scared nerves.  
“I need a minute…” Nico sighed dreamily.  
“Oh. Of course. We’ll be right here when you need us,” Félix assured him as he and Alejo retreated to the mind to tell the others all the details they might’ve missed.


End file.
